


C'est moi

by sunken_ships (sunken__ships)



Series: C'est Moi 'Verse [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Laf Trash Club, Lots of it, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Multi, OT4, Underage Drinking, Unresolved Sexual Tension, and all of his friends have huge crushes on him, dOES THE SEXUAL TENSION GET RESOLVED????, laf is a huge flirt, most chapters are T-rated, this is literally just alex john and herc thirsting over laf in a series of chapters, which he may or may not know about
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-06
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-05-31 15:31:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 34,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6475903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunken__ships/pseuds/sunken_ships
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex, John, and Hercules are just three Very Gay Griends living with another Very Gay Friend, Lafayette, who happens to be irresistibly, drop-dead gorgeous.<br/>Alex, John, and Hercules spend most of their days thirsting over Lafayette.<br/>These are their stories.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> *does a jig* what the fuck am i doing  
> this has no plot it is p much just one shots all thrown together in one big... thing  
> like seriously this is the least organised thing i have ever uploaded to any fanfic site in my life  
> i'd recommend reading the first instalment in the series (only about 3000 words), which is just the trio meeting laf for the first time. doesn't add much background-wise, but it's more organised than this mess jfc

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you've read Oui Oui Mon Ami then you'll notice that i called Alex, John and Herc the laf trash clan, but this has been changed to the laf trash club *finger guns*
> 
> also, just as a heads-up, most chapters are T-rated. this fic actually had a T rating, but the more the story progressed, the more suited it became for an M rating. that being said: again, most of this is T-rated. thanks! <3

     Living with Gilbert du Motier de Lafayette was a royal pain in the ass. Not because he was a bad housemate, per se. He paid the rent on time, he was as clean and orderly as a college student could be, he didn’t blast loud music in the wee hours of the morning. No – in that respect, he was a great housemate. What made living with him a royal pain in the ass was, unfortunately, completely out of his control.

     He was fucking gorgeous.

     Which made the lives of his three housemates, Alex, John, and Hercules, both a dream come true, and a fucking nightmare.

     Not that they told Lafayette that. Lafayette was their best friend, and of course they loved spending time with him. The late night study sessions where they drank Redbull by the gallon and crammed as much as they could into their short-term memories; the Disney movie marathons, which, more often that not, turned into a drinking game, wherein someone would take a shot if they messed up a song; the combined efforts in roasting Thomas Jefferson into oblivion via Alex’s Twitter; just having someone extra there to talk to and to turn to for advice.

     But Alex, John, and Hercules were all single, young men, who were very, very gay.

     Well, Alex was bisexual and Hercules was pansexual, but, still, they were very, very gay.

     They had no idea whether Lafayette was aware of how they stared, slack-jawed. Sometimes it seemed that Lafayette teased them on purpose, using any excuse to take off his shirt around the apartment or bending over while wearing skinny jeans that hugged in ass in _just_ the right way. Other times it seemed as if he was completely ignorant, frowning in confusion or asking, “What?” whenever the boys were distracted by his body.

     The boys didn’t know which would be worse: Lafayette exploiting the fact that he could tell them all to kill a man and they would without hesitation, or Lafayette being utterly unaware of just how hot he was.

     “What do you guys think?” Lafayette asked one night, standing in front of the TV, holding out his arms and twisting this way and that. “Do I look hot, or what?” It was one of the rare occasions that he was going out to a club on his own; Hercules had work early the next morning. Alex and John had an assignment due the next day, but they never went to clubs. Hercules and Lafayette were only twenty, yes, but because of their height – and Hercules’ stocky build and Lafayette’s beard – they could easily get away with fake IDs. John and Alex were both short, and they looked as young as their nineteen years.

     Hercules, John and Lafayette had all moved in together a few weeks into their first semester of college, and Alex had joined in the first week of their second. It was getting towards fall break, and still all three of them were not used to the sight of Lafayette dolled up for a night out. They didn’t think they ever would be.

     Hercules swallowed, his gaze wandering down Lafayette’s body slowly, as if his brain couldn’t function well enough to go any faster. “You look good, Laf.”

     Lafayette grinned. “I mean, I know I do, I always look good. But what about my outfit? I didn’t put in much effort tonight. I’m not trying to impress anyone.”

 _You don’t have to try_ , John thought. “No, no,” he said mildly, his eyes glued to Lafayette’s arms.

     “Your make-up looks nice,” Alex said, in an attempt to try to hide the fact that he was very much not focusing on Lafayette’s face. But he was right, of course. No one could rock eyeliner like Lafayette.

     Lafayette smiled. “ _Merci_ , Alex.” He grabbed his phone and wallet from the kitchen bench. “You guys have fun being boring,” he teased, heading to the door. “No threesomes while I’m gone; only foursomes, and only if I’m a part of it. Bye!”

     The door closed behind him.

     There was a moment of silence, and then Hercules, Alex, and John all looked at each other. They were all thinking the same thing, but only Alex was game to speak it. “Do you… Do you think he was… serious, about the foursome thing…?”

     Hercules and John sighed, and John flopped dramatically against the back of the couch. “ _Mon Dieu_ ,” he moaned pitifully.

     “What if I go to the same club,” Alex said, “and pretend to be someone else?”

     “He said he isn’t trying to impress anyone,” Hercules said. “He doesn’t want to hook up tonight.”

     “But it’s _Laf_ ,” John said. “He’ll _always_ hook up with someone if he feels like it.”

     “He’s just flirty,” Hercules countered. “He doesn’t actually hook up with people all the time. Make out with them, yeah, but not sleep with them. And Alex, you think John and I hadn’t thought of that already? Laf will know who we are in a split second.”

     Alex’s bottom lip jutted out. “Way to crush my dreams, Herc.”

     “Happy to help.” Hercules stood up and went to the kitchen. “Do you guys want anything to drink?”

     “We can’t,” Alex said. “We have that assignment. Don’t we, John?” he added pointedly, to which John grumbled.

     “One drink?” he pleaded.

     “No,” Alex said, standing up. “That always happens. One drink turns into two, which turns into a fridge empty of alcohol and no assignment done. C’mon, get up.” He took John’s wrists and hauled him to his feet.

     “Not even one glass of red wine?” Hercules asked hopefully.

     John gasped. “Yes! Alex, let’s have a Laf Trash Club meeting!”

     Alex quirked an eyebrow. “That’s what we’re calling it now? Not just the Being Pathetic Club?”

     “Laf Trash sounds so much better,” John said.

     Hercules screwed up his nose, considering it. “It could use a little work. But yeah, sure, for now, the Laf Trash Club.”

     “Red wine makes us sleepy,” Alex said. “Come on, John. Work is good.”

     “One glass,” John begged.

     “We’ll go through Laf’s Instagram pics,” Hercules offered in a sing-song voice.

     Alex hesitated. Going through Lafayette’s Instagram pics – and thirsting over them – _was_ one of his favourite things to do with his friends.

     “ _One_ glass,” he said firmly.

     “Yay!” John cheered, at the same time Hercules hissed, “Yes!” John collapsed back onto the couch and Hercules brought over three ordinary glasses and a bottle of cheap red wine.

     Alex pulled out his phone and opened up his Instagram account, navigating to Lafayette’s profile with practiced ease, as Hercules distributed the three glasses and began pouring the wine. Alex gasped. “He’s added a new photo.”

     “ _What_?” John said instantly, crowding Alex against the arm of the couch to get a look. Hercules snatched the phone from Alex’s hands.

     “Not until we have the wine,” he said. “Both of you are pathetic; you have to drink before we’ve even started properly.”

     “Who thought up the rule that you have to drink every time you thirst over Laf?” John complained as he took a sip of wine. “The whole _purpose_ of this club is to thirst over him.”

     “It’s not a club,” Alex protested. “It’s just a… collection of friends.”

     “Alex, stop trying to justify this,” Hercules said. “You’re just as pathetic as the rest of us. Now drink.”


	2. Fall break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo i literally just finished this about 15 minutes ago and i've only read it over once MAN oh MAN i am living on the wild side like u have no idea this is such an adrenaline rush for me  
> and yes two chapters at once bc may as well get the ball rolling my friends

_John named the group Laf Trash Club_

_Alexander Hamilton:_ seriously? we actually have a *chat* now?

_John set his nickname to Laf Trash #1_

_Laf Trash #1 set Alexander’s nickname to Laf Trash #2_

_Laf Trash #1 set Hercules’s nickname to Laf Trash #3_

 

 _Laf Trash #3:_ fucking excuse me

 

_Laf Trash #3 set Hercules’s nickname to Laf Trash #1_

_Laf Trash #1:_ we can’t both be laf trash #1

 

 _Laf Trash #1:_ I knew him first

 

 _Laf Trash #2:_ how come both of you get to be number one

 

 _Laf Trash #1:_ I made the group chat

 

_Laf Trash #2 set Alexander’s nickname to Laf Trash #1_

 

 _Laf Trash #1_ : for fuck’s sake

 

 _Laf Trash #1:_ wait which one of you said that

 

 _Laf Trash #1:_ this is way too confusing, both of u change ur names back

 

 _Laf Trash #1:_ no, u change ur names

 

 _Laf Trash #1:_ THIS ISN’T WORKING SOMEONE CHANGE THEIR NAME

 

_Laf Trash #1 set Hercules’s nickname to Laf Garbage #1_

 

 _Laf Garbage #1_ : and that, kids, is called compromise

 

_Laf Trash #1 set Alex’s nickname to Laf Rubbish #1_

 

 _Laf Rubbish #1:_ john u can’t change my name

 

 _Laf Trash #1:_ I just did #get rekt

 

 _Laf Rubbish #1:_ ‘rubbish’ sounds so stupid compared to ‘trash’ and ‘garbage’

 

 _Laf Trash #1:_ don’t blame me, blame society

_Laf Rubbish #1:_ did u actually just type #get rekt

 

 _Laf Rubbish #1:_ are u twelve

 

 _Laf Garbage #1:_ can we move on now

 

 _Laf Rubbish #1:_ onto what? thirsting over our friend?

 

 _Laf Garbage #1:_ that IS the point of this chat, isn’t it?

 

 _Laf Trash #1:_ do u have something worth sharing, herc?? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 _Laf Rubbish #1:_ can I just say that it is 110% not fair that laf stays with u every break

 

 _Laf Garbage #1:_ he clearly just prefers me ;)

 

 _Laf Trash #1:_ nah ur just closer to france

 

 _Laf Trash #1:_ the fact that ur european is the only thing even a little bit enticing about u

 

 _Laf Rubbish #1:_ and also ur family’s super cool except u

 

 _Laf Trash #1:_ u don’t even have an accent

 

 _Laf Garbage #1:_ I didn’t realise it was Roast Hercules Mulligan Day

 

 _Laf Rubbish #1:_ every day is roast hercules mulligan day, get ur head in the game

 

 _Laf Garbage #1:_ OH SHIT LAF ALMOST SAW THIS CHAT

 

 _Laf Rubbish #1:_ WHAT HOW

 

 _Laf Trash #1:_!!!!!!!!!

 

 _Laf Garbage #1:_ HE WAS WONDERING WHY MY PHONE KEPT GOING OFF AND HE WAS LIKE ‘R U EXCLUDING ME HERC’ AND TRIED TO GRAB MY PHONE AND THEN I DROPPED THE PHONE AND HE REACHED FOR IT SO I JUST PICKED IT UP AND R A N

 

 _Laf Rubbish #1:_ that is the LEAST subtle thing u have probably ever done in ur life

 

 _Laf Garbage #1:_ alex u don’t even know the meaning of subtle, shut up

 

 _Laf Garbage #1:_ I panicked ok

 

 _Laf Trash #1:_ now he definitely knows it’s got something to do with him

 

 _Laf Garbage #1:_ I’ll just say it’s about his birthday present or something

 

 _Laf Garbage #1:_ speaking of which, we should probably get on that

 

 _Laf Garbage #1:_ it IS his 21st after all

 

 _Laf Rubbish #1:_ I’d like to get on that ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 _Laf Trash #1:_ don’t objectify laf

 

 _Laf Rubbish #1:_ that is literally the whole point of this thing

 

 _Laf Trash #1:_ …ok tru

 

 _Laf Trash #1:_ so herc r u just chillin in another room or???

 

 _Laf Garbage #1:_ I’m in my room with the door closed. laf didn’t run after me or anything

 

 _Laf Trash #1:_ lol he just gave up

 

 _Laf Trash #1:_ he’s probably used to u doing weird shit

 

 _Laf Garbage #1:_ he’s probably used to weird shit from u guys

 

 _Laf Garbage #1:_ lmao we said that at the same time

 

 _Laf Trash #1:_ great minds think alike

 

 _Laf Rubbish #1:_ tbh I kinda feel a bit bad with this group chat??? like we’re leaving laf out

 

 _Laf Rubbish #1:_ okay look let’s just leave this group chat for when we want to thirst over laf

 

 _Laf Rubbish #1:_ bc right now it’s just banter that laf would probs make 10x better bc he’s laf

 

 _Laf Rubbish #1:_ also we can plan his bday present here

 

 _Laf Trash #1:_ yeah tru

 

 

 _Spice_ _Girls_

 

 _Posh_ : r u guys talking about me

 

 _Scary_ : it’s a secret

 

 _Posh:_ Hercules Mulligan come out of your room this instant

 

 _Posh_ : it’s not the closet, u can’t hide in there forever

 

 _Sporty:_ GET REKT HERC

 

 _Ginger_ : john please

 

 _Ginger_ : we need to have a discussion about your internet lingo, it’s embarrassing

 

 _Sporty_ : u can’t control me alex XD

 

 _Ginger_ : DON’T YOU ‘XD’ ME YOUNG MAN

_Sporty_ : XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD

 

 _Posh_ : is this what I was missing

 

 _Posh_ : jesus

 

 _Posh_ : u guys fall apart without me

 

 _Scary_ : fine I’ll come out now

 

 _Posh_ : ^u to ur parents

 

 _Scary_ : you know what fuck u I’m staying in here

 

 _Posh_ : noooo mon amour mon cher I’m sorry

 

 _Posh_ : it’s so lonely out here

 

 _Posh_ : I’m so cold

 

 _Ginger_ : go chill with his grandma she’s awesome

 

 _Sporty:_ say hi to her for me

 

 _Posh_ : they’re not home

 

 

_Laf Trash Club_

 

 _Laf Rubbish #1_ : wtf does he mean they’re not at home

 

 _Laf Rubbish #1_ : herc why the fuck r u hiding in ur room

 

 _Laf Rubbish #1_ : go and make out with laf

 

 

_Spice Girls_

 

 _Scary_ : it’s not that cold stop complaining

 

 _Scary_ : the fire’s going and everything

 

 

_Laf Trash Club_

_Laf Trash #1_ : herc what the fuck

 

 _Laf Rubbish #1:_ yeah herc what the fuck

 

 _Laf Garbage #1_ : I’M SORRY I’M PANICKING

 

 _Laf Rubbish #1_ : y r u panicking

 

 _Laf Garbage #1_ : I’M TRYING TO SOUND NONCHALANT

 

 _Laf Rubbish #1_ : u sound like u hate him

 

 

_Spice Girls_

 

 _Posh_ : :((((

 

 _Posh_ : don’t u want to cuddle?

 

 _Posh_ : we can watch mean girls

 

 _Posh_ : I brought the french version

 

 _Posh_ : we can watch it and u can try to guess what they’re saying from memory

 

 _Posh_ : that’s always fun

 

 _Posh_ : herc??

 

 _Posh_ : i can whisper the translations in ur ear ;)

 

 _Scary_ : coming

 

 

_Laf Trash Club_

 

 _Laf Trash #1_ : DON’T THROW THIS AWAY YOU LUCKY SON OF A BITCH

 

 _Laf Rubbish #1_ : DO IT FOR US

 

 _Laf Rubbish #1_ : TELL US IF U GET TO MAKE OUT WITH HIM

 

 _Laf Trash #1_ : BUT DON’T SLEEP WITH HIM THAT’S OFF THE TABLE

 

 _Laf Garbage #1_ : $10 says I’ll get to sleep with him

 

 

_Spice Girls_

 

 _Sporty_ : make it $20 and we have a deal

 

 _Ginger_ : john

 

 _Sporty_ : wrong chat nvm

 

 

_Laf Trash Club_

 

 _Laf Rubbish #1_ : JOHN

 

 _Laf Garbage #1_ : $20 it is

 

 _Laf Garbage #1_ : also ur a feckin idiot

 

 _Laf Trash #1_ : I’M SORRY

 

 

_Spice Girls_

 

 _Posh_ : what are u betting on

 

 _Posh_ : u can’t just say that and then leave, john

 

 

_Laf Trash Club_

_Laf Garbage #1_ : I’ll distract him ;)

 

 _Laf Rubbish #1_ : $20 says u won’t be able to distract him properly ;) ;)

 

 _Laf Garbage #1_ : we’ll see about that ;) ;) ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> was herc's family ACTUALLY super cool? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	3. Fall break pt 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, thanks everyone for your comments! they make my day, every single time.
> 
> This picks up off right where the last chapter ended. I finished this about 20 seconds ago, so sorry if there are typos or anything (please let me know if there are! although i will undoubtedly read this over about 10 times after i post this and then edit it like 5 times bc that's what always happens)

     “Ah, so you _do_ love me!” Lafayette exclaimed joyously from where he sat on the couch, throwing his hands into the air as Hercules re-entered the lounge room.

     “Nah, I love _Mean Girls_ ,” Hercules said. “You actually cold, though?”

     “A little,” Lafayette confessed, wrapping his arms around his knees.

     Hercules went to the armchair and grabbed the blanket that was draped across it. “I thought you were French,” he teased as he went over to join Lafayette on the couch. “You should be used to the European cold.”

     “I am only human,” Lafayette said, sticking his nose into the air, feigning an air of haughtiness, which immediately dissipated when Hercules sat next to him with the blanket.

     Lafayette spread the blanket over his and Hercules’ knees and snuggled into Hercules’ side. “We still need to put on the movie,” he whispered.

     “Or we could just stare at the screen,” Hercules said. He was only being half sarcastic. If it meant that Lafayette would stay pressed up against him like this, he’d stare at a blank TV screen for hours.

     Lafayette moaned, and Hercules’ pulse jumped. “But I’m so _comfy_ now,” Lafayette whined. He slid an arm across Hercules’ stomach, hugging him, and wriggled even closer.

     Hercules let his arm fall around Lafayette’s shoulders. Oh man, if Alex and John could see them now.

     That being said, Lafayette took every opportunity he could to cuddle – to cuddle the nearest person available, mind you, not just Hercules specifically – but still, it felt good knowing that _he_ was the person who Lafayette was cuddling, and not their other friends.

 _It’d be so easy_ , Hercules thought, glancing down at the top of Lafayette’s head. _To just tilt his head up and kiss him. It’d take less than a second_.

     But he didn’t. For now, he was content.

     “We’ll make a deal,” Hercules offered. “You go get the movie–”

     “The French one?” Lafayette cut in eagerly, pulling back to look Hercules in the face, smiling widely.

 _Even easier now_.

     Hercules smiled, hoping Lafayette didn’t see the way his gaze kept dropping to his lips. “Yep, the French one. And I’ll make us some hot chocolate.”

     “That sounds perfect, _mon ami_ ,” Lafayette said. “But I’m taking the blanket with me.”

     Hercules chuckled. “That’s fine with me.”

     Lafayette disentangled himself from Hercules and clambered off the couch, wrapping the blanket around his shoulders like a cape and swishing down the hallway to Hercules’ room to collect the DVD. Hercules took a moment to gather his thoughts, and then went to the kitchen, going about making his famous hot chocolate. Well, it was famous amongst his college housemates. Back home, it was just how his family made hot chocolate.

     He glanced outside as he stirred the milk and chocolate in the saucepan. It was pouring with rain, of course, as it usually was in Coleraine. In Ireland in general, really.

     As tradition, the Mulligan family had all gone out to do the week’s shopping together. Lafayette usually loved tagging alone – doing things as a family was really kind of a foreign concept to him – but Hercules found it an absolute drag. He’d managed to convince his grandparents (his parents didn’t mind) and Lafayette that he and Lafayette would be better off staying home. ‘We’d have to take two cars’, he’d said. ‘That’d be a waste of gas. We’ll keep the house warm for when you get back.’

     Lafayette had taken more convincing than anyone else. But convinced him Hercules had.

     “Mmm,” Lafayette murmured, waltzing into the kitchen. “Herc, that smells _fantastique_.”

     “Of course it does,” Hercules said, glancing over his shoulder as he added a dash of cinnamon to the saucepan. “It’s hot chocolate.”

     “I like it when you make hot chocolate,” Lafayette said, dropping the DVD on the kitchen bench and coming up behind Hercules, wrapping his spare arm around his waist. The other hand stayed holding up the blanket cape.

     Hercules bit his lip as Lafayette rested his chin on his shoulder. “You always smell of cocoa and cinnamon afterwards.”

     “Do I?” Hercules said vaguely, trying to focus on what he was doing rather than how his friend was all but draped over him.

     “ _Oui_ ,” Lafayette said. “Is it almost done?”

     “Give it about ten seconds,” Hercules said. “Have you warmed up at all?”

     “I’ll be warm as toast once I have that hot chocolate inside me and you next to me,” Lafayette replied with a smile.

     Hercules went to say something, but then Lafayette’s hand smoothed across his abdomen, far too low to be considered platonic. “Or maybe the other way around, depending on how long your family takes,” he said lowly into Hercules’ ear, and kissed the spot just underneath his jaw.

     Hercules froze, his heart racing, and Lafayette pulled back, laughing. “Don’t burn the milk,” he said in a sing-song voice, snatching the DVD up from the kitchen bench and sauntering out of the kitchen.

     Hercules took another few moments to kick back into gear, and then he hurried to gather two mugs from the cupboard. God, Lafayette could make him flustered so easily. No one else could do that. There was just something about him.

     When he brought out the two hot chocolates, Lafayette was already bundled up on the couch in his blanket, remote in hand, as the title screen of _Mean Girls_ played on repeat.

     Lafayette grinned. “You’re so easy to tease,” he said, and held up half of the blanket for Hercules. Hercules handed him one of the hot chocolates and sat down, letting Lafayette drape the blanket across his knees. Lafayette tucked his toes under Hercules’ thigh, and curled his hands around the hot chocolate. “ _Merci_ , Herc,” he said earnestly, and took a sip. He hummed. “Yum.”

     “I know,” Hercules said with a grin. “I make the best hot chocolate.”

     “I’ll have to thank Sarah for teaching you when she gets back.”

     “It’s actually from my dad’s side,” Hercules said, and Lafayette raised his eyebrows.

     “Oh,” he said. “Well, I’ll have to thank Hugh then. And I’ll also thank Sarah for giving birth to you so Hugh could teach you how to make this hot chocolate.”

     Hercules snorted a laugh. “You’re ridiculous.”

     Lafayette giggled – adorably, Hercules couldn’t help but think – and sipped at his hot chocolate. Hercules grinned at him.

     Lafayette smiled. “What?”

     Hercules shook his head. “You wanna press play?” he prompted, and Lafayette did.

 

     The Mulligan family returned not that long after, maybe twenty minutes into the movie. Hercules was almost glad. After the hot chocolates were finished, Lafayette had curled up against him again, and had, as promised, murmured the translations, smiling and laughing at Hercules’ reactions, which ranged from nervous chuckling to blushing profusely.

     Of course, Hercules knew what was being said in the movie. He’d seen it so many movies, he could recite in his sleep. He had no idea how Lafayette could make ‘Karen Smith is one of the dumbest girls you will ever meet’ sound sexy. But, to be fair, the boy could probably recite mathematic equations and make it sound as if he were reading the script of a high-budget porno.

     It had been _especially_ bad when the movie had reached the famous health class scene. “‘Don’t have sex,’” Lafayette had said in a soft voice. “‘‘Cause you will get pregnant and die. Don’t have sex in the missionary position.’” He waggled his eyebrows. “‘Don’t have _sex_ standing up. Don’t have _sex_ where the female is on top _controlling_ the _pace_ and the _friction_. Just…’” He’d inclined his head, looking at Hercules through his lashes, lowering his voice even further, breathing out the next words. “‘…don’t do it. Promise?’”

     Hercules had swallowed. “I’m pretty sure that’s not how the guy said it,” he'd said, his voice tight, and Lafayette had laughed.

     “I took some creative license,” he’d said casually, going back to watching the movie as if nothing had happened. “Make it more interesting for you.”

     “I am very glad my actual health teacher hadn’t taught sex ed like that.”

     “What, like in the movie?”

     “No, as if he was trying to _seduce_ his students. Like how _you_ did it.”

     Lafayette had laughed again. “Were you feeling seduced, Herc?”

     “You knew what you were doing,” Hercules had said in an accusing tone. “Don’t play innocent.”

     “Oh, Herc,” Lafayette had said, easily slipping back into the seductive voice, “if there’s one thing I’m not, it’s innocent.”

     Hercules’ breath had caught, but he’d just shoved Lafayette, and Lafayette had snickered.

     So when he’d heard the front door open and the usual greeting of, “Hey hoo!”, Hercules had both sighed a breath of relief, and inwardly cursed. He’d inwardly cursed for two reasons: one, he didn’t get Lafayette all to himself anymore; and two, unless he somehow managed to sleep with Lafayette before Alex and John inquired, he was out of pocket twenty bucks.

     Why had he made that stupid bet? Everyone knew that he wouldn’t _actually_ sleep with Lafayette. Neither John nor Alex could have won the bet if they’d been in Hercules’ position, either. It was an unspoken… thing, between them. To all three of them, Lafayette was someone unattainable – either because he was way out of their leagues, or because he was a friend and that would mean risking the friendship – and as much as it seemed sometimes that Lafayette was begging for one of them to sleep with him, they all knew that he was only joking.

     Surely.

 

     That night, after dinner, Lafayette and Hercules both sat on Hercules’ bed, on their phones, Lafayette’s music playing softly in the background. While he listened mostly to Top 40s, Hercules would be the first to admit that Lafayette actually had some very nice chill music.

     “I can’t believe we have to go back to college in _two days_ ,” Lafayette said, looking up from his phone.

     Hercules sighed. “Yeah. But we’ll get to see Alex and John again.”

     Lafayette smiled. “That’s true. I miss them.”

     “Same here, man. It’s so weird to not hear Alex typing away at his laptop at four in the morning.”

     Lafayette laughed. “Or hear him muttering to himself.”

     “About how much of a dick Jefferson is,” Hercules added with a chuckle.

     Lafayette’s voice deepened, slipping into an American accent in imitation of Alex: “ _Fucking Jefferson_.”

     Hercules burst out laughing. “That’s exactly what he says! Oh my God.”

     “ _I’m gonna roast this asshat on Twitter as soon as I get wifi_.”

     Hercules clutched his stomach, fighting for breath in between bouts of laughter. “Ho– Holy shit.”

     Lafayette was laughing, too. His nose always screwed up when he laughed, and it was something that was frequently discussed in Laf Trash Club meetings.

     As their laughter died down, Hercules and Lafayette met eyes. Lafayette’s cheeks were flushed, and he still let out the occasional giggle, as did Hercules.

     Hercules’ heart was trying to break out of his chest. Was there… Was this a moment? Because their gazes hadn’t broken yet, and Hercules was so pumped with adrenaline he almost felt sick, and it would be _so easy_ to just lean forward and…

     “Are you tired?” Lafayette asked, and it was like a brick had been thrown through glass. The glass, of course, being the moment. If it had ever existed in the first place.

     Hercules blinked and took a breath in. “Uh, yeah, I guess.”

     “Because I could so go for a hot shower right now,” Lafayette said with a grin, and leapt to his feet to rummage through his suitcase.

     Hercules just watched, a little dumbfounded, a little confused, a little turned on, maybe, as Lafayette grabbed his pyjamas and toiletries, then wiggled his fingers goodbye, before slipping out of Hercules’ room.

     Hercules shook his head to clear it – unsuccessfully – and dragged his hands down his face.

 

     After they’d both showered, they hopped into bed. They were sharing Hercules’ double bed, as they always did. Lafayette smelled of minty toothpaste.

     The light was switched off, but both boys played around on their phones for a little while longer, chatting as they did so. Eventually, though, the prospect of sleeping was more enticing than their blogs and Facebook feeds, and then the room grew completely dark. Lafayette turned over, facing away from Hercules – he always loved being the little spoon – and Hercules was just about to put his phone on the bedside table when he received a Facebook message.

 

 

_Laf Trash Club_

_Laf Rubbish #1:_ so?

 

 _Laf Garbage #1:_ I owe u guys $20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it took some digging, but, yes, Hercules Mulligan hailed from a town (city?) called Coleraine, in Northern Ireland! so there u go. fact of the day.
> 
> also this got really fluffy and sentimental by the end, but, hey, that's what happens when the asexual virgin tries to write a story based solely around sexual tension ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	4. Christmas Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo this story is still going a little bit clunky in my head, the ideas aren't running as freely as i'd like them, but i thought i'd just get something down here. think of this as a teaser for a whole (much longer) chapter, which i'll upload in full when I've finished it.

Stage One: The Invitation

           

     “The Schuyler sisters are having a Christmas party!” Lafayette announced, his head snapping up from his phone.

     “ _Angelica Schuyler_ is hosting a _party_?” Hercules said incredulously.

     Lafayette pulled a face, glancing back down at his phone. “Well… No, by the looks of it. Eliza and Peggy are.”

     “Does Angelica know that her younger sisters, of whom she is very protective, are hosting a party?”

     Lafayette shrugged. “I don’t know.”

     “Peggy?” John grimaced. “Does that mean there’ll be a whole lot of high school kids there?”

     “John, you were in high school a year ago,” Hercules pointed out.

     “Yeah,” John said indignantly. “But now I’m in _college_.”

     “There are kids in high school who are older than you,” Lafayette added.

     “But they haven’t matured like me. Because I’m in college.”

     Lafayette gasped. “It’s a _fancy dress_ party!” he cried.

     Even Alex looked up from his laptop at that. “A… A fancy dress party?” he repeated, exchanging looks with Hercules and John.

     Lafayette never failed to impress with his costumes.

     “ _Oui_ ,” Lafayette said eagerly. “Oh, I love fancy dress parties. It’s annoying it’s so cold, but we can make do.” His brow crumpled in thought. “What could we go as? Should we do group costumes? Or maybe in pairs? Or just individual ones? What could we do that makes us stand out, but is still well-known enough that we don’t have to explain it?”

     Hercules shifted. “Laf, you know I don’t really do costumes.”

     Lafayette pouted. “But _Herc_!”

     “I’ll just wear some shitty Christmas sweater. You go all-out.”

     Lafayette rolled his eyes dramatically. “You’re such a, how you say, a party pooper.”

     “That’s a criticism I can live with,” Hercules said.

     “When is the party?” John asked.

     “In two weeks, from Saturday,” Lafayette said. “At the Schuyler’s.” He narrowed his eyes. “You guys _are_ coming, no?”

     Alex sucked in air between his teeth, looking regretful, and Lafayette promptly threw a decorative pillow at his head. “ _Non_ , I won’t accept it.”

     Alex spluttered, and batted the pillow away. “But Laf, I have to work.”

     “Exactly,” Lafayette said. “You have to work on getting some dick, Alex. How long has your dry spell been?”

     Alex flushed red. “I dunno,” he muttered.

     “I find it hard to believe that you stay up all night _only_ working on your essays and reports,” Lafayette said with a quirked eyebrow.

     Alex gaped. “Laf, I don’t just stay up all night _jerking off_.”

     Lafayette held up his hands in defence. “You said it, not me.”

     “Maybe Laf is right,” John admitted, and Alex went to protest, but John cut him off. “No, I don’t mean about you jerking off in the early hours of the morning – although we all know that you _do_ do that, so shut up – but about getting out there. I mean, what with college and work taking up so much of our time, we’ve _all_ kind of… not really…”

     “Been getting any,” Hercules supplied bluntly.

     John nodded. “Yeah. I mean, what could a harmless one-night stand hurt, huh? We’ll just go to the party, drink a little, have some fun, flirt a little, and who knows? Maybe one of us will get lucky.”

     Hercules snorted. “‘Maybe’? Excuse you.”

     “You really think _you’ll_ be the one winning here, Herc?” Lafayette scoffed. “ _S’il vous plaît_.”

     “Is that a challenge, Laf?” Hercules asked with a smirk.

     “Bet!” John declared, throwing his hands in the air. “How much?”

     Lafayette pondered. “Ten.”

     “Oh, no,” Hercules said. “You get a dollar from each person – so three bucks – for each person you make out with, and, on top of that, ten for the first person to leave with someone else, _and_ you actually have to sleep with them. If you don’t end up sleeping with them, it doesn’t count.”

     “Seven for the second person,” John added. “Three for the third, and none for the last.”

     “Alex?” Lafayette said. “You in?”

     Alex thought about it long and hard, and then nodded. “I’m in.”

     “But it’s not fair!” John blurted. “I’m the only one who’s attracted to one gender here.”

     Alex pursed his lips. “It’s ‘not fair’? John, I could go into a whole tirade about what is and isn’t _fair_ in society when it comes to discrimination of homosexual people versus bisexual or pansexu–”

     “I know you could,” John interrupted, holding up a hand. “So that’s why I’m gonna stop you there, retract my statement and apologise – sorry – and then rephrase.” He took a breath. “What I meant was, just that, you guys can pick anyone you want at a party to hook up with. I only do the dudes.”

     Lafayette sniggered. “Do the dudes…”

     “Okay,” Hercules said, “we’ll all just do guys, then.”

     “No, that’s too small a playing field,” Alex said, gnawing on his thumbnail in thought. “Two of us go for girls, two of us go for guys, and non-binary people are fair game for everyone.”

     “Guys!” Lafayette yelped, a split second before Hercules cried, “Bags the guys!”

     “Hah, I was first,” Lafayette teased with a grin.

     Hercules crossed his arms, huffing. “Fine. Girls.”

     “And I guess that leaves me with the girls, too,” Alex said. “Okay. Everyone clear on the rules?”

     “I’ll finally be able to afford that yacht I’ve always wanted,” Lafayette said smugly.

     “ _I’ll_ finally be able to see how disappointed you look when you lose a bet,” John replied with equal smugness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love some feedback on how this is sounding so far. ur comments are literally feeding this fic. like, imagine if this fic is a giant baby bird with big teeth and each of your comments is a scrap of meat. that's what it's like.


	5. Christmas party pt 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so here's part two! i think i've just about finished part 3 (which i will upload later today) and i'm just about to start on part four (which will be the last part of the christmas party story). i was going to take down part one and re-upload the whole thing in full, but it all ended up being quite a bit longer than i had expected (which, when it comes to writing, is the story of my fucking life) so there ya go

Stage Two: Pre-drinks

 

     Lafayette was yet to emerge from his room. His beer sat on the kitchen bench, untouched. Hercules was, as promised, dressed in just jeans and a tacky Christmas jumper that his father had made him two years ago. Alex and John had costumes that had been half-heartedly thrown together at the last minute. Elves, obviously. But without the pointy ears or the shoes or jingly bells or… whatever. But they’d managed to find red jeans for John and green ones for Alex, and John wore a green top, while Alex wore a red one. So not only were they wearing costumes, but _matching_ costumes.

     “You know he’s gonna blow us all out of the water, right?” John said, taking a sip of his beer.

     Hercules sighed, hanging his head. “I should really stop making impulse bets.”

     “Well,” Alexander began slowly, resting his elbows on the island bench around which the three were gathered, “before you give up on that idea entirely…”

     John narrowed his eyes. “What did you have in mind?”

     Alex glanced towards the hallway, making sure Lafayette’s keen ears were out of reach, and leant forward. “Thirty bucks for whoever can hook up with Laf.”

     Hercules and John were immediately interested. They both leant forward. “Thirty bucks, you say?” Hercules said in a low voice.

     Alex shrugged. “That’s thirty bucks, and bragging rights. Plus, you’d get to hook up with Laf, which is a reward in itself.”

     “What _kind_ of hooking up are we talking about?” John said.

     “Not all the way,” Alex said. “This is the bare minimum here. Just making out.”

     “Thirty bucks for just _making out_ with him?”

     “What, you think you could do that, Casanova?” Hercules said.

     John snorted. “I’m gonna be a rich man tonight.”

     The conversation was swiftly brought to a close when Lafayette swept into the room, singing, “I’m _ready_!” like a dramatic opera singer, which did _not_ suit his voice whatsoever.

     And, of course, he looked amazing. Both Leonardo da Vinci and Leonardo DiCaprio would have instantly been inspired to sketch or paint just by looking at him. Birds began to sing, flowers bloomed in bright colours, a chestnut-coloured rabbit nibbled on soft grass, while nearby a mother deer lapped at the water of a clear, sweet, bubbling brook, her baby prancing through her legs and nuzzling at her chest in affection.

     “You gotta be fuckin’ kidding me,” Hercules muttered under his breath.

     Lafayette presented himself front and centre. “How do I look?” he asked, as if he already knew the answer. Which he did. Of course he did. The prick.

     Brown skinny jeans and brown Converses. A matching brown tank top, with a large white circle in the centre. A little white, fluffy tail pinned onto the waistline of the jeans at the back. Fuzzy antlers with ears. A red ribbon tied like a choker around his neck, with a little bell attached to it.

     “You’re a reindeer,” Alex said instantly.

     “ _Oui_ , I am!” Lafayette said happily, twisting his butt towards them to give his tail a little shake. Three bottles of beer almost smashed to the floor.

     “You, uh…” Hercules had suddenly forgotten how to speak. “Beer? The – you gonna drink it?”

     Lafayette nodded. “Of course,” he said, heading over. His make-up was flawless – he’d used a mixture of eyeliner, eyeshadow and a bit of face paint to make his face more deer-like, with white spots along his temple and the end of his nose and his top lip painted black.

     Lafayette sighed in frustration at his housemates’ costumes. “You are _not_ getting into the Christmas spirit!”

     “Aren’t you going to be cold?” John asked, suddenly realising that the arms he’d been staring at for the last minute or so were, in fact, bare.

     “I have a hoodie,” Lafayette said with a shrug. “But I do not think I’ll need it. It’ll get very hot. If you know what I mean.” He winked, and three heartbeats stuttered dangerously.

     Lafayette opened his beer and took a drink, and then set the bottle down, frowning. “What, no clapbacks? This’ll be easier to win than I thought. You guys are not on your games tonight. How much have you had to drink already?”

     “Not enough,” Alex said in a tight voice, and drank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just wanted to say again, a big thank you for all the comments! you're all just so lovely <3  
> also my fave thing about this is how herc, alex and john are the literal embodiment of 'all bark, no bite' when it comes to laf like they all KNOW they're too chicken to do anything but they won't ADMIT it


	6. Christmas Party pt 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's part 3! :) and i'll upload part 4 as well, bc i finished it, so why not

Stage Three: The Party

 

     The Schuyler sisters’ house was perfect for parties. An old, huge establishment, about twenty minutes away from the college, with an actual ballroom – which, due to its age, was _not_ used as a dance floor for a bunch of students in the twenty-first century. In fact, once she’d had gotten wind that her sisters were planning on hosting such an event, Angelica had promptly moved everything out into the backyard. Eliza and Peggy had protested – it was on the verge of snowing, and their costumes had not been designed with the chill in mind. But Angelica was having none of it, and so outside, in the freezing winter cold, the party went.

     But, as much as everyone respected and, to be frank, was afraid of Angelica, the cold was a stronger force, and the party moved itself inside within the first forty-five minutes anyway.

     Angelica let it slide. But her stance held on the food and drinks. She’d been quite the party-goer herself during high school and the first year or two of college, but she’d long since grown up. _Someone_ had to be the responsible sister, anyway.

 

     Alex, John, and Hercules had been at the party for no more than ten minutes when they turned around and saw Lafayette lip-locked with a boy who definitely seemed to be one of Peggy’s friends. They were across the other side of the dance floor grinding to the rhythm of the beat.

     Hercules threw his hands in the air. “Fuck.”

     They all stood dumbly, staring at Lafayette with mouths that hung open slightly, watching how Lafayette’s hands gripped the boy’s ass, rolling against him, and the boy tugged on his hair.

     “That’s–” Alex’s voice broke, and he cleared his throat. “He’s… I forgot how good he is. At that.”

     John took a deep breath. “I can do that,” he said. He rolled his shoulders. “I’m gonna grab a drink. And just you guys wait. I’ll – I can do that.”

     He disappeared into the crowd. Alex sighed. “Okay,” he said, more to himself than to Hercules. “Game face. I can make out with more people than Laf. I’m _so_ hot. Easy.”

     “I just don’t want to be last,” Hercules admitted. “I’d be happy with a comfortable second.”

     Alex smirked. He had a plan. Make out with a few people, yes, but whoever slept with someone first was the real winner.

     They hadn't called him ‘Tomcat’ in high school for no reason.

     He and Hercules parted ways. Alex cracked his knuckles and went to fetch a drink from outside, his eyes casually brushing over the crowd as he did so. He didn’t really feel that comfortable with the number of high school students there – not that there would be anyone under the age of maybe seventeen, and not that there were _that_ many there in the first place – and the last thing he wanted to be perceived as was a sex-hungry college boy preying on younger girls.

     Not ideal.

     His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he took it out.

 

 

_Spice Girls_

 

 _Posh_ : I vote we keep tally here. one for me so far, keep up boys ;)

 

 

     Alex sighed. This was a bad idea.

     He fetched a cider from one of the coolers outside. It was freezing, and most people weren’t braving the cold. But there were two girls by the food table, shivering slightly in their short-shorts and Christmassy tops.

     Alex opened his cider and took a drink. Maybe he could offer to warm them up.

 

     John raked a hand through his hair. He had a good feeling he wasn’t going to win here. It wasn’t as if he was unattractive – he knew that he was hot – but damn, he was way too nervous right now. He was far too competitive, and it was going to ruin his chances.

     He’d just received Lafayette’s message, and it had made him even more antsy. He hadn’t seen or heard from Hercules or Alex since he’d left them, and he secretly hoped they were struggling just as much as he was.

     He felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around, and was met with a pretty girl. “Hey,” she said, smiling. “You look nervous, are you all right?”

     John wanted to groan in frustration. But he managed a smile. “Uh, yeah, I’m fine,” he said, not wanting to be rude but trying to project  _I am a homosexual_ as loudly as he could.

     “I'm Martha,” the girl said. "Martha Manning."

     “John,” John replied. He sighed. “Look, Martha, I’m gonna be honest with you, you’re a nice girl, I’m sure, but–”

     “You’re gay?” Martha guessed, and John nodded. Martha shrugged. “That’s okay. I’m a little disappointed, but it doesn’t matter. Are you sure you’re fine? You really do look like you’re about to piss yourself.”

     John laughed. “Uh, no, actually. I’m…” He hesitated. Was it allowed to tell people what was going down?

     Martha waved a hand. “You don’t have to tell me.”

     “No, I’m not… I’m not high or whatever,” John said quickly. “I don’t do that shit. I’m just a little, y’know, tense. I have this bet going with my friends?”

     Martha cocked her head. “A bet?”

     “Yeah,” John said. “See how many people we can make out with.”

     “And, what, the winner gets the money?”

     “Three bucks for each person; ten for the first person to sleep with someone.”

     Martha raised her eyebrows. “That’s expensive.”

     John nodded. “We’re all pretty competitive.”

     “You _do_ realise you’re kinda both pimping and prostituting yourselves at the same time, right?”

     John blinked. “Fucking…” He looked to her sharply. “What the fuck? You’re right. What the fuck.”

     Martha laughed. “And? How much have you won so far?”

     John made the number zero with his fingers, and Martha winced. “Okay, how about everyone else?”

     “My friend Laf is winning, with one. We only got here, like, fifteen minutes ago. The others–”

     He was cut off by his phone vibrating.

 

 

_Spice Girls_

 

 _Ginger_ : two for me #twogirlsonealex gg boys

 

 

     John’s eyebrows shot up. “And two for Alex. Wow. I was not expecting that. He’s beating Laf.”

     He showed the message to Martha, and she laughed. “Spice Girls?”

     John grinned sheepishly. “Uh, yeah. I don’t – I don’t have any explanation for that.”

     Martha sighed and put her hands on her hips. “Well, I’ll strike up a deal with you, John. Be my wingman for tonight, and I’ll be yours.”

     A smile grew on John’s lips. There were never any rules about not enlisting some help. “You got much experience wingmanning?”

     “The reason why I’m single is because I spend all of my time getting other people into my friends’ pants,” Martha said. “I am very good at it.”

     “I’m not too bad myself,” John said. He held out his hand. “It’s a deal, Martha.”

     Martha shook his hand firmly. “Then let’s get to work.”

 

 

_Spice Girls_

 

 _Posh_ : that was a surprise, alex

 

 _Posh_ : but alas, u are still destined not to come out on top

 

 _Posh_ : especially in the bedroom, might I add

 

 _Posh_ : 2nd one for me, bout to be a 3rd

 

 

     Hercules sighed. This was _not_ going well for him. He was two seconds away from paying a girl to make out with him. Which was not helping at all. Desperation was not a turn-on, for anyone.

     At least John seemed to be struggling as much as him.

     While he usually loved being tall and, let’s be real, pretty damn jacked, it did have its drawbacks. He screamed ‘intimidating’. Girls looked at him warily, as if he was about to pounce on them.

     At this rate, he’d be happy with _one_.

     “Stupid idea,” he muttered into his beer as he took a sip. “Stupid fucking bet. I don’t even have any fucking money.”

     He glanced over at the dance floor. Maybe he was working the wrong part of the room. He wasn’t an amazing dancer, but he could stick to the beat.

     He finished off his beer – he was getting to be on the drunker side of tipsy by now – and made his way over.

 

 

 

_Spice Girls_

 

 _Sporty_ : one for meeee guess who’s joined the game my guys

 

 

 _Fuck_. Hercules pocketed his phone. Almost as if on cue, he felt another body press up against his arm. He turned and saw a girl dancing, and, once she knew she had his attention, she smiled. “Hi,” she said. She was definitely drunk.

     “Hey,” Hercules said. He let his hands settle on her waist, getting into the music, and the girl slid closer to him.

     Two seconds later, her arms were around his neck, her tongue down his throat.

 _Fucking finally_.

 

     Alex knew how to work a room, in multiple senses of the word. He was a charismatic kind of guy. A little aggressive at times, sure. And yeah, sometimes he let his emotions get the better of him. But if there was one thing Alexander Hamilton knew how to do, it was to persuade people.

     So when he saw Eliza Schuyler standing on her own, leaning against the wall, he didn’t hesitate. He made his way over. _Hands in pockets, look like a little lost, vulnerable. Too easy_.

     “Hey,” he said – _a little awkward, a little shy_.

     Eliza sighed, but gave him a small smile. “Hi.”

     “I’m Alex.”

     “I'm Eliza.”

     Alex chuckled. “Yeah, I know. This _is_ your house.”

     Eliza laughed once, without humour. “Yeah, I know. This was not a good idea.”

     Alex frowned. “What do you mean? The party’s been great so far.”

     “Angie was right. Look at this place. It’s going to be a mess. I can’t believe I let Peggy convince me to let her invite all her school friends.” She covered her face with her hands. “That was so irresponsible.”

     Alex was never one to feel guilty, but something perhaps akin to guilt settled in his gut. Here he was, trying to hook up with this girl, who obviously had better things to worry about.

     “It’ll be fine,” he tried reassuring her. “This is hardly the wildest party of the year. In a way, it was good that the younger kids are here. I think it’s forcing everyone to tone it down a bit.”

     “You think so?” Eliza said. She shook her head. “But we’re supplying them with _alcohol_. Is _anyone_ in this room even twenty-one? I know I’m not.”

     “You seem sober as the day you were born.”

     Eliza snorted. “I’m not. I thought having a bit to drink would calm me down, but I haven’t near had enough of it.”

     Alex felt his phone buzz, and wondered who just scored another three bucks. Was it Laf, who was about to overtake him? Was it John, who would now be tied with him? Was it Herc, who would now be catching up to him?

     Another buzz.

     As much as Alex was actually enjoying this conversation, his competitiveness greatly outweighed his compassion. Either he turned on the charm, or he gave up and tried someone else.

     “There’s no use worrying about it now,” Eliza continued, crossing her arms. “The party’s already happening. I could kick everyone out, but that would make everyone hate me.”

     “Maybe you should have something more to drink,” Alex suggested with a laugh. “Do you want me to get you something?”

     “I just want to be distracted,” Eliza said. She looked at him sharply. “Are you single?”

     Alex grinned. Here we go. “Sure am.”

     “How good are you at kissing?”

     “Well, I hate to brag, but I’m actually very good.”

     “Good.” Eliza grabbed him by the shirt. “Then kiss me.”

 

 

_Spice Girls_

 

 _Ginger:_ do I get extra points if the girl owns the house

 

 _Sporty:_ which sister?? angelica?

 

 _Scary:_ eliza?

 

 _Posh:_ or peggy?

 

 _Ginger:_ eliza

 

 _Posh_ : also no

 

 

 

     By the end of the first hour, the score was as follows:

Lafayette – twelve

Alex – nine

Hercules – eight

John – seven

     They’d seen each other in passing throughout the night, but had been too determined to win to actually stop and chat. They were also getting progressively drunker by the minute.

     John had found a new friend in Martha. She was funny, outgoing, smart, not to mention a _great_ wingwoman. Sure, he was coming in last at this point, but he’d never really had much game; not like his housemates. So even getting seven was an achievement. Plus, he was having fun.

     It felt good to loosen up. And it also felt good to make out with seven different guys.

     “I think I found the next one,” Martha murmured in his ear.

     “Really?” John said, craning his neck. “Where?”

     “Stay here, I’ll see if I can bring him over.”

     She disappeared into the crowd. John lingered awkwardly. He pulled out his phone to look occupied, flicking through his app folders and checking his Facebook feed for thirty seconds or so, before Martha came back, looking very pleased with herself, towing someone behind her.

     When John saw who that person was, he didn’t know whether to feel embarrassed or to laugh.

     “John,” Martha said. “This is–”

     “Gilbert,” Lafayette said, grinning, his eyes sweeping up and down John’s body as if they had, in fact, just met, and Lafayette was either sizing him up or checking him out. The make-up on his face, around his cheeks and on his top lip and nose, were pretty much gone, but his eyeliner remained flawless.

     John could feel his cheeks going red. “Uh–”

     “I’m getting a drink,” Martha announced, giving John a big thumbs-up behind Lafayette’s back and mouthing _good luck!_ , and then she was gone.

     John laughed. “Sorry,” he said. “That’s Martha. She’s just…” He let the sentence hang, unsure how to complete it.

     “Nice to meet you, John,” Lafayette said with a teasing smirk. “My name’s Lafayette. I like long walks on the beach and being fucked in the ass.”

     If John had been drinking something at that moment, he would have choked on it. “What?”

     Lafayette stepped closer to John, their chests almost touching, and placed his hands on John’s waist. John’s knees felt weak.

     “Well, this is pretty kinky, isn’t it?” Lafayette said, his tone alive with humour. “It’s like roleplay. We go separately to the same club, we meet, we pretend we don’t know one another. Makes things so exciting.”

     John’s mouth felt dry. He swallowed. “Roleplay?” he repeated.

     Lafayette chuckled, and leant in close, speaking into John’s ear. “I always knew you were into the more interesting things in life.”

     John couldn’t help but shiver. His pulse was leaping and darting all over the place.

     “Does your friend know about the bet?”

     John took a moment to reply. His thoughts were a muddle. “Yeah.”

     Lafayette hummed in thought. “That was naughty of you. Getting help.”

     John bit his lip, hard. “There – there weren’t any… rules. Not to.”

     Lafayette let his lips trail along John’s jaw. John’s head tilted back automatically, and Lafayette’s mouth went down his throat. But never kissing. Just touching.

     John wanted to scream. It was the most frustrating thing in the world.

     Lafayette cupped John’s jaw with one hand, refocusing his attention. Their lips were so close together that they brushed when Lafayette spoke. “You’d better catch up, John. You’re losing.”

     And he pulled back, smacked a kiss on John’s forehead with an exaggerated _mwah!_ and patted his cheek. “Best of luck, _mon ami_. You're going to need it."

     “Uh,” was all John said as Lafayette grinned at him, winked, and then vanished again.

     John was left wavering on his feet – half-hard in his pants, if he were being honest – until Martha showed up again. “What?” she cried. “What happened? It looked like it was going so well!”

     “That–” John cleared his throat. “That, uh, was Laf.”

     Martha’s eyes flew wide. “That was _Laf_? But he said his name was _Gilbert_.”

     “Gilbert’s his first name,” John said. “Gilbert du Motier de Laf. Ayette. Lafayette.”

     Martha was stunned. “But you two… He looked like he was, like, two seconds from undressing you. And you were so into it.”

     John ducked his head, embarrassed. “Uh, yeah,” he said with a chuckle. “That’s Laf for you.”

     “Do you like him?”

     “He’s a friend,” John said. “I don’t want to date him, no.”

     “I feel like there’s a ‘but’ there.”

     John hesitated. “Yeah, I don’t want to date him, _but_ it wouldn’t hurt to sleep with him.”

     Martha laughed. “Oh. Okay. I see.”

     “And that’s how Herc and Alex feel, too.”

     “Why don’t you? Laf seems like he’d be okay with it.”

     “It’s…” John struggled to find the words. “It’s not that easy. It’s just… He’s _Laf_ , you know? I mean, we all really want to, but… it’d be… weird?”

     “Would it really?”

     John thought about it. To be honest, no, it wouldn’t be. Not at all. “It’s just more complicated than that,” he said vaguely.

     Martha didn't look convinced. “Whatever you say.” She sighed. “That’s a shame. He’s really hot.”

     John sighed as well. “You’re telling me,” he muttered. His skin still felt warm from where Lafayette had touched him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohhh look at that. john has ~~no real answer~~ for why no one is doing anything about laf. am i setting something up??? i don't know. like, honestly, i don't.


	7. Christmas Party pt 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's the fourth and final part of the christmas party story! now onto a different subplot
> 
> ((lil bit of background: george and martha washington are alex's adoptive parents))

Part Four: The Aftermath

 

_Spice Girls_

_Sporty_ : wait… where is everyone?

 

 _Sporty_ : hello???

 

 _Sporty_ : am I the only one who didn’t get to sleep with anyone???

 

 _Sporty_ : whoa wait I found herc nvm

_Sporty_ : I also found the girl he slept with

 

 _Sporty_ : laf??? alex???? r u guys awake yet?? it’s like 2pm where r u guys

 

 _Sporty_ : did anyone else keep track of how many people we hooked up with last night?? everyone kinda stopped saying things in the chat

 

 _Sporty_ : I kinda gave up after a while it was getting a bit boring

 

 _Sporty_ : I didn’t see u guys like all night

 

 _Sporty_ : it was fun tho but like let’s not do that again

 

 _Ginger_ : john shut the fuck up

 

 _Sporty_ : alex! :D

 

 _Ginger_ : john how r u not hungover go the fuck back to sleep

 

 _Sporty_ : I am hungover

 

 _Sporty_ : not as badly as u by the sounds of it

 

 _Posh_ : john, mon cher, I love u, but please stop messaging us

 

 _Sporty_ : I just want to know where u are

 

 _Ginger_ : I slept with this girl maria, I’m at her apartment rn

 

 _Posh_ : I think I left the party last night with some people to go mcdonald’s and we may have crashed another party by accident

 

 _Posh_ : I found a nice man who was also drunk and I went home with him

 

 _Sporty_ : did u sleep with him??

 

 _Posh_ : yes I did

 

 _Posh_ : and also his wife, who was at the party with him

 

 _Sporty_ : wait what

 

 _Posh_ : actually now that I think about it, it was a party at a bar

 

 _Posh_ : I think I saw my professor there

 

 _Sporty_ : that’s weird

 

 _Sporty_ : do u know the guy u slept with?

 

 _Posh_ : no

 

 _Posh_ : wait a moment

 

 _Posh_ : I know this house

 

 _Sporty_ : laf who did u sleep with

 

 _Posh_ : I went to the bathroom as soon as I woke up and then the kitchen for some water and the couple is still asleep but

 

 _Posh_ : uh-oh

 

 _Posh_ : uhhh… alex…?

 

 _Posh_ : u were a cute little boy

 

 _Ginger_ : how do u know that

 

 _Posh_ : I’m looking at a photo of u

 

 _Posh_ : hanging on the wall

 

 _Ginger_ : are u… at my old house????

 

 _Sporty_ : laf oh no

 

 _Posh_ : alex I have some news

 

 _Sporty_ : laf did u crash a teachers’ party

 

 _Posh_ : alex

 

 _Posh_ : I slept with ur parents

 

 _Ginger_ : …

 

 _Ginger_ : laf

 

 _Ginger_ : what the fuck

 

 _Ginger_ : come home

 

 _Ginger_ : right now

 

 _Posh_ : I’d feel bad if I didn’t say good morning to them, I haven’t seen them in a while

 

 _Ginger_ : YOU SLEPT

 

 _Ginger_ : WITH MY DAD

_Ginger_ : *AND* MY MOM

_Ginger_ : AT THE SAME TIME?????

 

 _Posh_ : they were great, if that’s any consolation

 

 _Ginger_ : I DON’T WANT TO KNOW

 

 _Ginger_ : oh my god laf

 

 _Ginger_ : …I’m speechless. oh my god.

 

 _Scary_ : I just woke up

 

 _Scary_ : what is going on here

 

 _Ginger_ : scroll up and fucking read it

 

 _Scary_ : aight…

 

 _Scary_ : AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


	8. Sleepover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so a few things about this chapter: 1) i really like the beginning bit bc i am an avid lover of fluff; 2) this is getting so trashy jfc i can't believe i wrote this; 3) shoutout to Elfyne for the assistance with the french danke schön (i don't speak french but i speak german so there you go that's as good as it's gonna get i'm afraid)  
> also some good news, i think the ball has finally starting properly rolling with this (and yet somehow the word count on this is like over 9.5k???? i dont understand myself) and i have a few ideas saved up for future chapters. thank u everyone for sticking with this, i hope you like it!

     Alex checked the time. Ten past four.

     He sighed, rubbing his face. He had to get up at eight for his lecture. He should _really_ get some sleep. Really. He was exhausted, he was frazzled, the words were swimming in front of his eyes, he kept typing _the_ instead of _and_.

     His bed was calling for him. _Sleep, Alexander_ , it said. _Sleep_.

     He continued typing. _Just until four thirty_ , he told himself. _I’ll go to bed at four thirty_.

     There was a faint knock on the door, and Alex almost jumped in surprise. He paused, frowning at the door, thinking he’d misheard, but then there it was again; a hesitant, soft knock.

     “Yeah?” he said, confused.

     The door cracked open and Lafayette stuck his head in. “Alex?”

     “Laf?” Alex said. “What are you doing up?”

     Lafayette stepped inside the room and gently closed the door behind him. He was dressed in his pyjamas, just a raggedy old pair of pyjama shorts and a loose tank top that had a few holes in it. He had dark circles under his eyes. “Can I talk to you?”

     Alex saved his word document and closed his laptop without a second thought. “Sure. What’s up?”

     Lafayette sat down on the edge of Alex’s bed. “I couldn’t sleep.”

     “Why not?”

     Lafayette shrugged. “No real reason. I was just… thinking about France.”

     Alex paused, thinking of how to respond. “Do you miss it?”

     Lafayette chewed his bottom lip. “I think I do,” he said. “I mean, I love America, and I don’t regret moving out here at all, but there’s just something…”

     “About where you were born,” Alex finished, nodding. “I understand.”

     “Do you ever miss St. Croix?”

     Alex pondered the question. “I… I miss my mom, and the memories I have with her on St. Croix,” he said. “But a lot of the time, when I think about St. Croix, all I can think of is the… the hurricane. Which, y’know, I don’t really like to think about.”

     Lafayette nodded. “I miss Adrienne. Have I told you about her?”

     Alex shook his head.

     Lafayette smiled. “We met when we were young. I think I was thirteen? And my family had decided that I was, how you say, too flamboyant. They thought I was gay. They were partially right,” he added with a chuckle. “So they tried to set me up with Adrienne. Very old-fashioned, and, although I do like girls too, I didn’t like Adrienne in that way. But we became best friends.”

     “What happened?” Alex asked.

     Lafayette shrugged. “Nothing. I moved out here. She stayed in France. We talk on Facebook and Skype, but it’s difficult, with the time difference. And it’s not the same. She’s not here. I can’t hug her through a computer.”

     Alex smiled sadly and went to sit next to Lafayette on the bed, taking his hand. “You should invite her out here,” he offered. “She can stay with us for a while. Or next break, you can go back to France.”

     Lafayette hummed, playing with Alex’s fingers absentmindedly. “But I am worried that it’ll all be different.”

     “Of course it will be,” Alex said. “People grow up and change a bit. But that doesn’t mean you won’t still be friends.”

     “I wasn’t talking about her,” Lafayette said. “Well, perhaps a little. But I meant France. It is such a beautiful place. I don’t want the reality to ruin the memories I have of it.”

     “They won’t,” Alex assured him. “Laf, look at me.”

     Lafayette looked up, and Alex was, again, struck by how gorgeous his friend was, despite his obvious tiredness. “All that will happen is that you’ll make new memories there. With Adrienne. You should go.”

     Lafayette just stared at him, making Alex’s pulse jump, and then nodded, looking back down at their hands. “You’re right. I should stop putting it off. I want to go back; why shouldn’t I?”

     “Exactly.”

     “Maybe you could come with me,” Lafayette said with a hopeful smile. “You, John, Herc. All four of us. I could show you Auvergne and Paris.”

     Alex chuckled. “Maybe once we have a little more money saved up.”

     “But one day, no? It would be so wonderful.”

     Alex nodded. “One day. One day, I’d love to.”

     Lafayette sighed, seeming content. “ _Bien_ ,” he said. He looked back to Alex, down at his clothes. “You are not even in your pyjamas yet, Alex.”

     Alex ducked his head sheepishly. “Uh, yeah. I was… doing something.”

     Lafayette shimmied his shoulders a little. “Did I interrupt that _something_?”

     Alex rolled his eyes at him, and Lafayette laughed. “I was writing a paper,” he said. “God, you’re impossible.”

     “ _Merci_.”

     “And I was going to go to bed soon, anyway.”

     Lafayette tilted his head, looking unconvinced. “I don’t think that’s true.”

     “I was!” Alex insisted. “I told myself: four thirty.”

     “And then you look at the time and it’ll say four thirty-two so you’ll tell yourself five,” Lafayette countered. “I am a student too, Alex. I know exactly how it works.”

     Alex sighed. He’d had this conversation before countless times, with countless people. Lafayette held up his hands in defence. “Okay, okay, I’ll shut up. It’s your life, not mine. But I’m only saying so because I love you and I want you to be happy and healthy and not dead.”

     Alex smiled. “Well, thank you.”

     “Get changed into your pyjamas.”

     Alex shook his head. “Laf, thank you, but I am perfectly capable–”

     “I know,” Lafayette cut in, “that as soon as I walk out of this room, you are going straight back to that laptop as if drawn by some irresistible force. So get changed.”

     Alex went to protest, but Lafayette put a finger on his lips. “Shh,” he said. “Pyjamas, Alex. Don’t make me change you myself.”

     Well, that was an interesting thought.

     Alex quickly stood up and snatched his pyjamas from his bed to hide his blush. “Okay, I have my pyjamas, you can go now.”

     “Oh, no. I want to see you _in_ your pyjamas.”

     Alex paused. “You’re… You’re going to watch me get changed?”

     “ _Oui_.”

     Alex’s blush deepened. “Um…”

     “I don’t get to see you shirtless enough, Alex,” Lafayette said with a teasing smile. “I mean, if you’re _really_ opposed to it, I’ll go. But…”

     Alex cleared his throat. “I… I guess it’s okay,” he muttered. There was a reason he didn’t go strutting through the apartment without a shirt on like the rest of his housemates did. They were all gifted with six-pack abs and rippling muscles. Alex was gifted with a soft belly and a faint farmer’s tan.

     “What was your paper about?” Lafayette asked as Alex pulled off his socks, tossing them in the corner of the room.

     “It was just a discussion of the various financial policies of the presidential candidates. You know, weighing them in. Of course, what they say and what they will potentially do if they become President are two different stories. I mean, politicians will say anything to get into power, and they rarely actually stick to what they promised. I mean, for various reasons. Sure, sometimes they’re just outright lying, but they could change their plans due to the changing financial state, or if a new, better idea appears and there’s pressure from the public to switch to that one, or…”

     Lafayette simply nodded along as Alex babbled, interjecting with statements of _I see_ and _that’s interesting_ when appropriate. Alex was changing into his pyjamas as he spoke, not even concentrating on what he was doing, but rather on what he was saying; throwing off his shirt and putting on his worn, baggy _Save the Whales_ T-shirt, and stepping out of his jeans, slipping on his pyjama pants, which were a little too long for him and were spotted with pictures of cartoon bees.

     And then Lafayette was guiding him to the bathroom, and Alex was brushing his teeth, somehow speaking around his toothbrush and a mouthful of toothpaste foam. As he did so, Lafayette took out Alex’s ponytail, and, using one of the spare hair ties in the bathroom cupboard, tied his hair up into two ponytails.

     Alex paused speaking to rinse his mouth out. Lafayette took the opportunity to say, “There you go. Now you’re all ready for bed.”

     Alex wiped his mouth on his shirt and straightened up. “Oh,” he said. He looked to Lafayette. “Oh,” he said again, for lack of anything else to say.

     “Come on,” Lafayette said, taking his hand and leading him out of the bathroom. “Into bed, now.”

     Alex yawned. “I’m tired,” he admitted.

     “So am I.” Once they reached Alex’s room, Lafayette took Alex’s phone and laptop, plugging them into their respective chargers, and then led Alex to bed.

     Alex chuckled. “Okay, Laf. I appreciate your help, but you can go now.”

     “Nonsense,” Lafayette said. “I’m not doing this for you anymore. This is for me. I want to cuddle you.”

     Alex couldn’t help but smile. Lafayette grinned. “You are _the_ most adorable person ever. Look at you and your ponytails!” he cooed.

     Alex laughed. “Adorable?”

     “You’re so versatile,” Lafayette said. “I mean, put you in a suit or take your shirt off and you’re hot, and then put you in pyjamas and your hair into two ponytails and you’re cute!”

     Alex paused. “You think I look hot with my shirt off?”

     Lafayette gave him a look. “Of course I do. Because you are.”

     “But–”

     “No buts. Well–” Lafayette’s eyes drifted down Alex’s body. “I mean, if we’re speaking about butts, then _yours_ –”

     “Okay, okay,” Alex said, getting embarrassed. “You obviously need some sleep, you’re getting delirious.”

     “Yes, I very much need some sleep,” Lafayette admitted as Alex pulled back the covers. “But I’m not delirious in thinking you’re a hot piece of ass, Hamilton.”

     Alex laughed, but it was a tired one. “Whatever you say, Laf.” He slid into bed. Lafayette went to switch out the light, and then climbed into bed next to Alex.

     “I mean it,” he insisted. “Come here. Usually I like to be the little spoon, but with those piggytails, how can you _not_ be the little spoon?”

     Alex shuffled into Lafayette’s arms, facing him, and smiled at the feeling of being hugged. Shut up. He was as much a sucker for cuddles as Lafayette was.

     Lafayette curled a hand around Alex’s waist, and slid it down to grope Alex’s ass. Alex yelped, and Lafayette said, “Hmm, I was right.”

     Alex buried his face into Lafayette’s chest. “ _Laf_ ,” he whined.

     Lafayette chuckled, Alex feeling it vibrate in his chest, and moved his hand back up Alex’s back. “Get some sleep, _mon cher_.”

     Alex closed his eyes. And he slept.

 

     The next morning, he woke to his alarm beeping so loudly it was just plain rude. He rubbed his eyes, fighting the oncoming headache, and stretched.

     Beside him, he heard a moan. “Alex,  _éteins ça_.”

     Alex jerked in surprise, forgetting that Lafayette had slept in his bed last night, and scrambled to switch the alarm off, as Lafayette had told him to in a voice that was rough with sleep and boy oh boy, did that do things for Alex. When the alarm was silent, Lafayette mumbled something sleepily that sounded like _merci_ , and rolled towards Alex, pulling him close against him.

     Alex realised that Lafayette was shirtless. _When did that happen?_

     He gently tried to pry himself from Lafayette’s arms, as loathe as he was to do so. “Laf, I have to get to class.”

     “ _Sèche les cours_.”

     “I _can’t_ skip it.”

     Lafayette nuzzled into the back of Alex’s neck, murmuring gentle persuasions in French into his skin.

     Alex closed his eyes, trying to steel his nerves, but God, was it hard when a literal deity of a human being was all but begging him to stay in bed.

     “Laf…” Alex had meant for it to sound firm, like he’d made his decision like the mature adult he was, but instead it came out in a sigh that was very nearly a moan.

     Lafayette’s arm curled more tightly around Alex’s stomach, and pushed a leg in between Alex’s knees to act as a second anchor, keeping Alex down.

     Alex’s eyes widened. Lafayette really was doing a _very_ good job at convincing him to stay. Was class _really_ that important? Surely it wouldn’t hurt if he missed one lecture.

     Lafayette, apparently having decided that he’d won Alex over, settled down, his breathing beginning to even out.

     Alex sighed. He couldn’t skip class. He couldn’t. What if he learnt more in today’s class than he’d learnt in any other class in his life? What if he missed out in vital information that would spell the end of his academic career if he was left unaware? What if there was a pop quiz? He loved pop quizzes.

     Again, battling against Lafayette’s grip as well as his own willpower, he tried to untangle himself from Lafayette’s limbs.

     Lafayette whimpered. “Alex, _non_.”

     “You can stay here if you like,” Alex said softly. “But I have to go.”

     “You don’t really,” Lafayette mumbled, and pressed his lips to Alex’s neck.

     Alex just about melted. “I… I really have to go.”

     “Could I change your mind?” Lafayette said, his hand moving down Alex’s body. Alex’s mind ground to a halt, and it was suddenly difficult to breathe. Would Lafayette really…?

     Alex’s brain stuttered to a start again, and Alex caught Lafayette’s hand just as it reached the hem of his pants – partly to make Lafayette stop, and partly so Lafayette didn’t discover that he was already sporting a semi. “Laf, you can’t be serious.”

     Lafayette moaned. “Just stay in bed. Let me cuddle you.”

     “I’m sorry,” Alex said. “That’s, um, you make a compelling argument, but I’ll see you later, okay?” He finally managed to wriggle away and, thinking to himself _fucking hell Alex I can’t believe you just turned Laf down so you could get to class you fucking idiot what the fuck why did you do that Laf was literally about to give you a handjob which is what you’ve dreamt about since you met him and you just stopped him so you could get to class what the fuck Alexander Hamilton you absolute fucking moron_ , he gathered up his clothes for the day.

     He was just heading to the door when he heard Lafayette say, “Hate to see you leave, but I love to watch you go.”

     Alex glanced over his shoulder to see Lafayette half rolled over, smiling sleepily, his eyes on Alex’s ass.

     And all Alex said was, “Buh,” and then he fled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk man i find it so hard to write not-fluff about laf and alex like i just picture lin and he's so smol and smiley and cute and then i picture daveed and he's so tol but also so smiley and cute and i'm like how am i supposed to write anything that's not fluffy idk


	9. Movie Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so here we are again. these chapters are getting longer and longer smh but anyway i hope this one is up to scratch! it's a little more feat. Group Banter than the others (which i always have fun writing so i hope it all works). you guys are literally the sweetest people ever and HAVE YOU SEEN THE FANART THAT PAPERTHINREVOLUTIONARY DREW IT IS SO GOOD http://paperthinrevolutionary.tumblr.com/post/142729050323/lafayette-presented-himself-front-and-centre-how

     In between their separate work schedules and the constant onslaught of homework and assessment tasks, it wasn’t often that the boys got to have a movie night. But every so often, the planets aligned, Alex’s laptop was wrestled from his grasp, and they all found themselves with a few hours to spare.

     This time, they planned ahead, so they didn’t waste the entire night arguing over which movies to watch. Hercules outright refused _Hercules_ , because, in his words, “It’s haunted me my entire life and you make me sing every fucking song and I’m sick of it. He’s not even hot. I’m way hotter than him. I don’t understand your obsessions with him.”

     And so, when John sent out a message on their group chat saying _movie night?_ , the suggestions were made.

     After an intense debate, they settled on _Shaun of the Dead_ – mostly because Lafayette had never seen it, which was, in the others’ opinions, simply unacceptable.

     So, that evening, Alex put on the DVD while Hercules made spaghetti Bolognese – the sauce being from a jar, of course; he wasn’t a culinary genius – and Lafayette and Alex gathered the drinks.

     “I can’t believe you’ve never seen _Shaun of the Dead_ ,” Hercules said as they all sat down with their forks and bowls in front of the TV. “I mean, you’ve seen _Hot Fuzz_ , and you’ve even seen _The World’s End_ , but never _Shaun of the Dead_.”

     “You’ve seen _The World’s End_ but not _Shaun of the Dead_?” John repeated incredulously. “Laf, _how_?”

     Lafayette waved a fork at him. “I never got around to it.”

     “Have you seen _Paul_?” Alex said. “Please tell me you haven’t seen _Paul_. You can’t have seen _Paul_ but not _Shaun of the Dead_.”

     “Okay, I haven’t seen it.”

     Alex narrowed his eyes. “Are you just saying that?”

     “Yes.”

     Alex and John made sounds of pure exasperation, throwing their hands in the air. Lafayette tutted. “Oh, shut up. You two haven’t even seen _The Breakfast Club_.”

     Hercules gasped. “But it’s a _classic_!”

     Lafayette nodded sadly. “I know, Herc. I know.”

     “Can we just watch the movie now?” Alex grumbled, and shoved some pasta into his mouth. He hated being bested.

     John pressed play.

     “Wait, is someone going to switch the lights out?” Hercules said.

     John groaned, getting to his feet. “I’ll do it.”

 

     Five minutes into the film, Lafayette whispered loudly, “Where are all the zombies?”

     “It’s setting up Shaun’s character,” Alex whispered loudly back. “And the parallels that appear throughout in the movie. The zombies come later.”

     “You so didn’t need to add that bit about parallels,” John said. “That’s so pretentious.”

     “It’s not pretentious,” Alex hissed. “It’s very clear and brilliantly done. Edgar Wright is a genius of a director.”

     “No, I’m saying that _you’re_ pretentious.”

     “Shut the fuck up,” Hercules said, at normal volume.

     Everyone fell silent.

 

     Hercules had seen _Shaun of the Dead_ plenty of times. Not as many times as he’d seen _Mean Girls_ , but enough. Which meant that his mind was easily occupied by other thoughts. One such thought was sitting right beside him, twirling pasta onto a fork.

     Lafayette’s hair was tied up right on top of his head in a bobble. He was dressed in his pyjama pants, and a thin, pinkish hoodie that was zipped up maybe only two-thirds of the way. Paired with his bright orange and blue stripy socks, he looked utterly comfortable. Lafayette was usually pretty stylish outside of the apartment, perhaps more so on the days he had classes than on his days off, but in the apartment, he wore whatever was within reach. Which sometimes included clothes that weren’t his. It had been a sight seeing him walking around squeezed into one of Alex’s shirts one day. Once he’d even worn Hercules’ underwear, because _it’s washing day and I didn’t have any, we practically wear the same kind anyway, what’s the big deal?_.

     Slouching there on the couch, with his legs stretched out, his feet on the coffee table, his bowl of pasta balanced on his chest, he looked a complete mess.

     A perfectly breathtaking mess.

     Hercules only realised he’d been staring when Lafayette looked at him, as if sensing his gaze. “What?” he asked. He’d somehow gotten some Bolognese on the end of his nose.

     Hercules pointed. “You got sauce on your nose,” he said, his voice low as to not disturb the others.

     Lafayette went cross-eyed trying to see it, and Hercules chuckled. Lafayette jutted his chin out. “Can you get it?”

     Hercules reached out and wiped it off with his thumb, which Lafayette then proceeded to suck into his mouth. Hercules hoped no one heard the way his breath caught.

     Lafayette let his thumb go and grinned. “Thanks, _mon cher_.”

     Hercules quickly took his hand back, wiping his thumb on his jeans.

 

     By the time Shaun’s step-father Phillip had turned into a zombie and been abandoned in his beloved Jag, the four boys had finished their pasta, the empty bowls stacked on the coffee table, and the beers cracked open. John had been enjoying the movie, as he always did when he watched it, but after Lafayette and Hercules’ little scene – which had not been as subtle as they’d thought it had – John had been a slight distracted. Mainly by the way Lafayette’s Adam’s apple bobbed whenever he took a sip of beer.

     He was sitting upright now, legs crossed on the couch, and it gave John a clear view of his throat. A throat that would feel amazing under his lips. God, John would leave the best hickeys on that throat.

     And because Lafayette’s hoodie wasn’t zipped all the way up, well, it was easy for John’s eyes to slide from his neck, to his collarbones.

     John licked his lips, and looked away. _Not now, Johnny boy_ , he thought to himself. _Focus on the movie. Focus on those un-dead, grey-eyed, hollow-faced, bloodied things. They’re a nice view, aren’t they?_

     Lafayette lifted his bottle to his lips and took a drink. John watched him swallow. Oh, man. It was almost obscene.

     A droplet of beer slid down the neck of the bottle onto Lafayette’s hand, and, upon noticing it, Lafayette chased the droplet back up the bottle with his tongue.

     John’s mouth hung open slightly.

     Lafayette switched the bottle to the other hand and licked the beer off his fingers.

     John chewed on the inside of his lip.

     And then Lafayette glanced over at him. John froze, his face burning, thinking he’d been caught, but then, maintaining eye contact, a playful smirk turning the corners of his lips, Lafayette ran the flat of his tongue up the neck of the bottle again, and took a drink, swallowing slowly.

     He’d known that John had been watching him, the _entire fucking time_.

     John was having trouble breathing. He was glad his legs were already pulled up against his chest; there was a problem that he most certainly was having to hide.

     The sounds of screaming and yelling coming from the TV were far off in John’s mind. He didn’t know what to do – he was struggling to force himself to look away and to not leap onto Lafayette and kiss him senseless – so he just sat, immobilised.

     Lafayette held out his beer bottle. “Thirsty?” he whispered, and it was said with a chuckle in his voice.

     John blinked, and went to say he already had his own beer – that he was holding, actually – when Lafayette pressed the lip of his bottle to John’s mouth. John, almost automatically, accepted it, and Lafayette tilted the bottle. John swallowed the beer.

     Lafayette smiled at John like he wanted to taste the beer on John’s tongue, and sat back, his focus once again on the movie.

     John realised his hands were shaking slightly with adrenaline, and he was gripping his beer so tightly that it felt like he could shatter it in his grip. He took a steadying breath and faced the TV again, taking a deep swig. This movie seemed the be dragging on for ever.

 

     There was maybe fifteen, twenty minutes left of the movie when they finished the beers Alex and Lafayette had brought out to the coffee table, so Alex got to his feet to get some more. He brought out a six-pack of cans and placed it on the table with a thud, tearing open the cardboard and grabbing a can. He straightened up to go sit back in his spot next to Hercules, but he felt hands on his waist, and then he was being pulled backwards. He fell onto Lafayette’s lap awkwardly, and, chuckling, tried to stand up again. “Laf, let me go–”

     “ _Non_ ,” Lafayette said simply, wrapping his arms around Alex. “You’re not going anywhere.”

     It wasn’t that bad of a fate to resign himself to. And resign himself Alex did, shifting around on Lafayette’s lap until he felt comfortable, and then leaning back against Lafayette’s chest. Lafayette hugged Alex as if Alex was a giant teddy bear.

     “I’m not too heavy, am I?” Alex asked.

     “Not at all, _mon petit lion_ ,” Lafayette replied. “Besides, I like having someone’s weight on top of me.”

     Hercules snorted a laugh beside him and John chuckled. Alex smiled. Lafayette nuzzled into Alex’s shoulder, a low, contented hum emitting from him that Alex felt vibrate against his back.

     Alex’s smile widened.

     After a few minutes, Lafayette shifted underneath him, adjusting his position on the couch. The act of doing so pressed Lafayette’s crotch against Alex’s ass, and Alex let out what he would later deny to be a little squeak, and then Lafayette wrapped his arms around Alex, pulling him closer, and Alex squeaked again. Lafayette pressed his lips to Alex’s shoulder, and Alex could feel his smile.

     Lafayette’s thumb rubbed soothingly across Alex’s stomach, and, gradually, so subtly Alex almost didn’t realise it was happening, his hand smoothed across to Alex’s waist, and slipped underneath his shirt. Lafayette’s hand stroked up and down Alex’s side, caressing the skin, while the other hand remained where it was.

     Alex bit his bottom lip, trying to pay attention to what was happening on the screen. God, that felt nice.

     He realised that he hadn’t even opened his beer yet. It remained untouched in his hand, cold, numbing his fingers, resting on his knee, condensation dripping onto his pants. He didn’t feel like drinking it anymore. He felt, for some reason, that if he moved to either open it or set it back down on the coffee table, then Lafayette would stop his ministrations; Alex decided it didn’t matter if his fingers were numb and his pants were a little damp. He could live with that.

     Lafayette sat back, leaving Alex leaning forward – Alex hadn’t even noticed that happening – and his hand drifted to Alex’s back, one finger drawing patterns across his skin, and then his other hand joined the first. Alex shivered.

     They stayed like that for the rest of the movie: Lafayette with his hands up Alex’s shirt, his fingers tracing down his spine and along his ribs. John and Hercules stole furtive glances at them both – well, not as furtive as they thought. Alex couldn’t tell if they were curious, jealous, or interested.

 

     When the movie ended, no one really moved at first. _You’re My Best Friend_ by Queen filled the room as the credits rolled up the screen.

     Hercules was the first one to break the silence, getting to his feet and going to switch on the light. Everyone cried out, shielding their eyes and throwing abuse at him for being such a heartless monster.

     “So,” Hercules said, going back to the couch. “Laf. What’d you think?”

     Lafayette’s hands were still under Alex’s shirt, but now they were resting comfortably on Alex’s waist. He nodded. “It was good.”

     Hercules jeered. “It’s better than good.”

     “Not as good as _Hot Fuzz_ ,” John amended, and Hercules gave him a wild look.

     “Uh, _Shaun of the Dead_ is the best out of the Cornetto Trilogy, hands-down,” he said.

     “It is not!”

     “It’s a brilliant twist on not one, but _two_ genres that are completely over-done: romcoms, _and_ zombie movies.”

     “You can’t call _Shaun of the Dead_ a romcom,” John scoffed. “It’s just a zombie movie with a bit of romance in it to make it funny and relatable. It’s a great movie, sure, but the scriptwriting of _Hot Fuzz_ is just better. It’s cleverer.”

     “ _Hot Fuzz_ is predictable,” Hercules shot back, and even Lafayette and Alex made sounds of protest at that.

     “Herc, _Hot Fuzz_ is one of the least predictable movies ever,” Lafayette said.

     “Come on, man, even I didn’t see those plot twists coming,” Alex added.

     Hercules held out his hands like he couldn’t believe the betrayal. “ _Hot Fuzz_ is _completely_ predictable! It’s still good, I still like it, but _Shaun of the Dead_ is just better!”

     “ _Shaun of the Dead_ is way more predictable than _Hot Fuzz_ ,” John said.

     Hercules gestured aggressively towards the screen. “It doesn’t pretend to be anything else! That’s part of its charm and what makes it funnier!”

     “That’s bullshit, and you know it,” John said.

 

     The argument went long into the night. By the end of it, the couch cushions were strewn about the room – used as ammunition – and the empty bowls of pasta and their forks were upended on the floor, having been accidentally kicked there by Alex. Accusations and insults had been hurled in every direction, and a fistfight would have broken out if Lafayette hadn’t stepped in between. Bedroom doors were slammed.

     The next morning, John made Hercules a coffee by way of apology. And Hercules accepted it, which was an apology enough in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> random fact: i was looking up pics of daveed to see which colours go with his skin best/what kind of thing he wears so i could put laf in an outfit (hint: all the colours look amazing and he looks amazing in everything that he wears) and i ended up spending like an hour just looking at photos of daveed i am trash


	10. Shower Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *aaron burr voice* welcome folks, to the TRASH FIC  
> this one is a little bit shorter than the others have been of late, and that was an intentional decision, so don't worry, i'm not losing interest in this or anything! i have another chapter ready to go after this one which i will post in a day or two's time, and i'm currently working on a longer chapter after that. plenty more to come! (if you are still interested...!)

     Hercules woke to the sound of his alarm blaring, and his hand shot out to turn it off as quickly as possible. He groaned, rubbing his eyes, and stretched, before rolling out of bed and shuffling to the bathroom. He couldn’t ever wake up properly without first having a shower.

     Yawning, still half-asleep, he didn’t hear that the shower was already running.

     He didn’t think to knock. He opened the door, and blinked in surprise to find the bathroom filled with steam.

     “If you’re a serial killer coming to kill me,” Lafayette said nonchalantly from behind the shower curtain, “could you not stab me in the face? I want to look good at my funeral.”

     Hercules was wide awake now. “Shit, sorry, Laf,” he blurted, and quickly went to retreat back out the door. “You, uh, didn't lock the door.”

     “No, it’s fine,” Lafayette said easily. “Actually, while you’re here, could you grab the spare bottle of shampoo from the cupboard? I think I’m just about to run out.”

     “The… shampoo?” Hercules shook his head to try to clear it. But it was a bit hard when the only thing separating him and a naked Lafayette was a thin, translucent shower curtain. He could see a blurry, faint version of Lafayette’s silhouette.

     Lafayette chuckled. “ _Someone_ just got out of bed.” He pulled back the shower curtain slightly, sticking his head out and pointing. His curls were flat against his head. “The Organix one. The bottle’s kind of round and it’s a bronze colour.”

     Hercules’ realised he’d been staring at Lafayette for one second too long. He hurriedly looked away, bobbing down in front of the sink and opening the cupboard. The new bottle of shampoo sat in plain sight, and he grabbed it.

     “Why is it so cold in here?” Lafayette wondered aloud. Then he tutted. “Oh, Herc, you left the door open.”

     Hercules looked over his shoulder at the door and grimaced. “Sorry,” he said. “I’ll just–”

     And then Lafayette stepped out of the shower and darted over to the door to close it. “We don’t want all of the United States to see me in the shower,” he said with a chuckle, hopping back into the shower, snagging the shampoo bottle from Hercules’ hand as he did so. “Thanks!”

     Hercules remained a statue, his brain struggling to process what he’d just witnessed. Lafayette began humming to himself, some song that Hercules had never heard before.

     Hercules slowly got to his feet and left the bathroom, making sure to close the door behind him.

     He just…

     Laf…

     Hercules had just seen Lafayette’s…

     And it was…

     Hercules rubbed a hand down his face, making his way to the kitchen. Oh, man. What a way to start the day.

     “Morning, Herc,” John said. “You want some coffee? I just made a pot.”

     Hercules sighed. “Actually, yeah. Just to check I’m not dreaming.”

     John frowned. “What d’you mean?”

     At that moment, Lafayette sauntered into the room, a towel around his waist, his hair leaving a trail of water droplets in his wake. “Oh, coffee,” he said gleefully, taking John’s cup from his hand and taking a sip. “Hey, John, can I borrow that shirt of yours? The black one you wore the other day? I just have this vision of this outfit in my head, and I need it to look - how you say - on fleek.”

     John’s eyes flicked back up to Lafayette’s face, from where they’d been staring at his chest. “Uh, what? My shirt? Yeah, sure. Course.”

     “ _Merci_ ,” Lafayette said. He grinned at Hercules, cupping his cheek with his spare hand. “You didn’t say goodbye when you left this morning,” he murmured playfully to him. Then he set John’s coffee on the kitchen bench and left.

     Hercules stared after him – partly because he felt like he’d just been blessed by Jesus or something, and partly because he could feel John’s intensely questioning gaze on him and he didn’t know if he was ready to face that.

     “Uh,” John said pointedly, and Hercules finally looked to him, smiling sheepishly.

     John raised his eyebrows expectantly. “Care to explain?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it is one in the morning here and i really should be in bed but i couldn't resist uploading this bc i am a frail youth who craves attention and praise i'm sorry


	11. An Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: should i write some fluff  
> paperthinrevolutionary: yeah  
> me: *immediately writes some fluff*  
> i always love some fluff (like u know that meme with pacha from the emperor's new groove yeah that's me with fluff and also like every single other one of my fics on this website is basically just pure fluff apart from like 3), and at first i was hesitant to write any for this series bc it's not really very open to fluffiness, just in its nature, but anyway, i hope this is okay!

How to take care of Alexander Hamilton

 

  1. Discover that a problem exists



 

     Alex wasn’t well-known for wearing his heart on his sleeve when it came to his wellbeing. His opinions, yes – a little _too_ well-known for sharing those – but if you asked him how he was feeling, the answer would always be a dismissive, “Yeah, good.”

     But, after living with him for a good while now, Alex’s housemates knew the telltale signs of when he was feeling down. Namely, he began skipping meals on purpose. Usually, if he was in his room, someone would poke their head in to offer him a gentle reminder of, “Alex, it’s lunchtime,” or, “We’re getting Chinese; what do you want to order?”. If he was at the library and there was no one nearby, someone always made sure to call him. And, most of the time, a reminder was all he needed. He hated the thought of being a burden on his friends, and he knew that, by not eating properly, he would cause them stress, and so, with that in mind, he’d always find something.

     Unless it was not a good day.

     After knocking, John opened Alex’s bedroom door to see Alex, as usual, typing away furiously at his laptop. Alex had had a lecture that morning, and from the moment he’d gotten home he hadn’t left his room. His bed was unmade – although that was nothing new – and he hadn’t even taken his shoes off. Papers, pens and highlighters carpeted his desk and the floor around it.

     “Alex,” John said, “Herc’s making grilled cheese. D’you want one, or two?”

     Alex didn’t acknowledge him, his brow furrowed, his lips downturned as he typed.

     John leant into the room a little further. “Alex.”

     Alex spared him a glance. “‘M not hungry,” he muttered, before returning to his work.

     John paused. “What did you have for breakfast?”

     “Cereal.”

     John took a breath. “Do you want something else? We have leftovers from last night. Do you want me to heat that up for you?”

     “I said I’m not hungry.”

     John his set jaw decisively, and closed the door behind him. He went to the kitchen, the smell of melted cheese and toast intoxicating. Hercules was half-watching the grilled cheese as it sizzled in the frying pan; Lafayette was trying to find some YouTube video that he’d insisted was ‘the funniest thing you will ever see’.

     “I can’t find it,” Lafayette hissed, jabbing at his phone, as John entered the room.

     Hercules looked up from the pan. “What’d he say?”

     John frowned. “He said he didn’t want anything.”

     Lafayette looked up sharply, the video forgotten about. “Uh-oh. What happened?”

     “You know Alex; he’d rather tell Jefferson that he loves him than voluntarily share his emotions.”

     “He ate this morning,” Hercules said. “I was with him.”

     “Something must have happened in class,” John said, and sighed. “All right. Game plan.”

 

 

  1. Choose your Game Plan



 

     There were multiple Game Plans that Hercules, Lafayette and John had to help Alex. Given the situation, they decided to go with Game Plan Four.

     Hercules made a grilled cheese; John put it on a plate and took it to Alex’s room.

     Knock knock. No response. John let himself in anyway, knowing what he’d find.

     Alex hadn’t moved, as John suspected he hadn’t for a few hours. He didn’t look away from his laptop screen when John entered. John gingerly placed the grilled cheese next to Alex, on top of some papers, and slipped from the room.

     “Any ideas?” Hercules asked, munching on his own sandwich.

     “Nope,” John said. “Didn’t even look at me.”

     Lafayette nodded. “Okay. Fifteen minutes. We’ll wait fifteen minutes.”

 

     Fifteen minutes later: knock knock. No response.

     John cracked open the door and peeked inside.

     The grilled cheese remained untouched, and on the floor next to Alex’s desk.

     He sighed and closed the door. “Not a bite,” he reported back to the others. “In fact, he’s just moved it out of the way.”

     Hercules and Lafayette exchanged worried glances. “Onto phase two?” Lafayette suggested.

 

     Knock knock.

     Hercules went and perched on the end of Alex’s desk. “Hey, Alex?” he said quietly. “Alex, can I talk to you?”

     It took a few moments, but then Alex looked up at him. His face betrayed no emotion, other than a slight crease between his eyebrows, but that could be mistaken for focus. “Mm?”

     Hercules sighed, looking down at his hands. “I’ve kinda had a rough day. Can I talk to you about it? Is that okay?”

     “What about Laf and John?” Alex said, and _Oh dear_ , Hercules thought, _this isn’t going well_.

     “What about them?” Hercules said, and realised he probably sounded a little too confrontational. But he couldn’t take it back.

     Alex shrugged a shoulder. “Go talk to them.”

     Hercules was glad he wasn’t actually having a rough day, because that would have stung. “I want to talk to _you_ , Alex.”

     “Look, Herc, I’m sorry your day hasn’t been great,” Alex said, rubbing his temple, “and I guess I’ll talk to you later, but I’m kinda busy right now.”

     Hercules opened his mouth to say something along the lines of: “What, you’re _so busy_ that you can’t take ten minutes to talk to one of your best friends?” But he held back. This wasn’t about him; it was about Alex. He nodded. “Okay,” he said. “All right, I’ll go talk to Laf and John.”

     Alex didn’t respond. He was already looking at his screen again.

 

 

  1. Choose a different Game Plan



 

     Lafayette let himself into Alex’s room and put his hands on his hips, sighing. “What’s wrong, _mon ami_?” he asked, not harshly, but directly.

     Alex’s fingers hovered over his keyboard for a moment, but then continued typing. “Nothing’s wrong,” he said.

     “You didn’t want lunch.”

     “I’m not hungry.”

     Lafayette went over and stood behind Alex, and went to take out his ponytail to comb his fingers through his hair. But Alex batted his hands away. “Laf, don’t.”

     Lafayette hesitated. “You love me playing with your hair.” He tried not to be hurt. He’d half-expected such a response.

     “Yeah?” Alex said, sounding pissed. “Well, right now I want you to leave me alone, all right? I’m trying to work. I don’t need you playing with my hair like we’re five-year-olds or something.”

     Lafayette’s hands dropped to his sides. “Alex–”

     “Piss _off_ , Laf,” Alex growled, and Lafayette hurried from the room with his tail between his legs.

 

 

  1. Choose yet another Game Plan



 

     They waited another fifteen minutes before John was called into action.

     He didn’t knock. He walked straight into Alex’s room and, without saying a word, put his hands over Alex’s, surprising him enough to cease his typing.

     Alex cast him a look, and shook his hands off. “What are you doing?”

     John took the opportunity to shove Alex’s laptop further down the desk, crumpling papers and bending folders, sending pens rolling to the floor. He didn’t take it away, but he just severed its connection to Alex.

     “John, what the fuck,” Alex said.

     John sat where the laptop had been, on the desk, and, ignoring the scowl that was being handed to him, cupped Alex’s cheeks in both hands. “Alex,” he said softly. “Alex, tell me what’s wrong.”

     “Nothing is wrong,” Alex said in a patronisingly slow voice. “Can you get off my desk, and leave me alone.”

     John just stared him in the eye, until Alex glanced down and away.

     John took one hand and smoothed it along Alex’s hairline, brushing away loose hairs that tickled Alex’s forehead. “Baby girl...”

     It was a nickname that John had for Alex and only Alex. It was like their own, private inside joke, except it wasn’t a joke. John only used it when the situation called for it; whatever kind of situation that may be.

     Alex’s chin wobbled, and John knew that he’d finally gotten through to him.

     John pulled Alex close, cradling his head in his arms, and Alex buried his face into John’s chest, clutching his shirt in his fists, and cried.

     John stroked his hair soothingly as he cried, not saying a word, and not needing to, at that point. Lafayette and Hercules peeked into the room, and smiled sadly at the scene. John nodded to them. _Just give us a minute_.

 

 

  1. Bring in the cavalry



 

     Alex didn’t cry for all that long – and when he stopped, pulling away from John and sniffing, wiping his eyes on the back of his hand, Hercules and Lafayette slipped into the room, armed with a box of tissues, a block of chocolate, and a blanket. It was getting to be far too warm for blankets, but Alex loved toasting himself until he just about died of heat stroke.

     Alex ducked his head, hiding his face in embarrassment, but John hopped down from the desk and pulled him to his feet, wrapping him in a tight hug. He pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead, and then led him over to his bed. Lafayette and Hercules had thrown the duvet over it so it at least _looked_ somewhat made.

     A smile worked its way onto Alex’s lips, but he tried to shrink away, protesting, “No, guys, don’t, I’m fine, seriously.” But, of course, his friends were having none of it, and pulled him down onto the bed to smother him with snuggles. Hercules wrapped him up in the blanket and Lafayette took out his ponytail to run his fingers through it – hesitating a little at first, but then Alex smiled and said, “Of course you can, Laf. I love it.” John passed him some tissues and broke off pieces of chocolate to give to him.

     Alex’s eyes swam with tears again, in response to being loved – the same way a simple _are you okay?_ will cause most people to break down in tears – and pressed his face into the blanket, and his friends immediately crushed him in a group hug. “We’ll keep you safe, Alex!” John said.

     “No one touches _mon petit lion_ ,” Lafayette added.

     “We’re your bodyguards now,” Hercules said.

     Alex laughed wetly and pulled the blanket down from his face. “You’re all squishing me.”

     “We’re _protecting_ you,” Lafayette amended.

     “I can’t breathe.”

     “Our love is just too overwhelming.”

     “I’m too small for this,” Alex protested.

     “That’s true,” Hercules said. “He is very small.”

     Alex’s brow furrowed. “I’m not _that_ small. You know what? I’m fine. You can keep crushing me. I’m fine, I can handle it.”

     Everyone laughed and let Alex breathe.

     Lafayette went back to running his fingers along Alex’s scalp. “Do you want to talk about what happened?”

     Alex sniffed. “I just got some results back from the last assessment. They… weren’t so good.”

     John patted his knee soothingly. “I’m sorry.”

     “I thought I aced it, too.”

     “Do you know what you did wrong?” Hercules asked gently.

     Alex shrugged a little. “I read the question wrong. Like, not completely wrong, but... wrong enough. It was such a stupid mistake.”

     “It’s okay to make mistakes, _mon cher_ ,” Lafayette said.

     “Not when my entire academic career and my future is on the line.”

     “You’re not going to lose your scholarship over one poor mark,” Hercules said.

     John leant over to kiss Alex on the temple. “You’re gonna be fine. One hundred percent.”

     Alex said nothing for a few seconds, but then he nodded. “Yeah. Okay,” he said softly. “Thanks, guys.”

     “Group hug!” Hercules declared, holding his arms out wide.

     “No!” Alex cried, giggling, but it did nothing to stop his friends from piling on top of him. Alex decided that suffocating to death from being hugged by friends who were so much bigger than him wasn’t such a bad way to go.

 

 

  1. Mission complete



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uuuugggggghhhhhhhhhhh so i've caved i usually hate to do this BUT theyfillwithfire (inadvertently) convinced me SO my tumblr is @broadwayorthehighway my blog is a mess so like don't expect anything amazing if u even go on it at all but if u like plz come yell at me and i will respond by also yelling ty


	12. Shower Time pt 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and now, back to your regularly-scheduled thirst  
> The chapter coming after this one will actually not be a chapter, but a separate fic in the Lancelot series (it's getting a liiiiiiiiiittle too long) and it'll be either a one- or two-shot, hopefully uploaded within the next two or three days if all's well. ((Update: it's uploaded, check it out! Just click that lil arrow next to the Lancelot series thing)) the next chapter that will ACTUALLY be the next chapter will probably be uploaded in the same timeframe.  
> 

     Hercules didn’t usually shower at night. He was used to showers waking him up in the morning, bringing him to life, preparing him for the day ahead. But the day before had been boiling hot, which meant that today, it bucketed with rain – and just as Hercules had been heading home from work, as well. So, despite the fact that the sun had set and it was well and truly _not_ the morning, his socks were soggy in his shoes and goosebumps dotted his skin, and Hercules couldn’t think of anything better than having a warm shower.

     It was late enough that the others had already gone to bed – ‘gone to bed’, obviously, meaning ‘retreated to their bedrooms for various reasons’. Most of the time that meant doing some last-minute homework (or, in Alex’s case, some self-assigned homework), but Hercules knew that John liked to sketch and Lafayette liked to read – in French, of course. And, of course, Netflix was always an option.

     Hercules peeled off his shoes and socks, and his shirt and jeans as well, which were positively soaked. He went to the bathroom to hang his clothes up on the towel rack, and then headed back to the kitchen in his underwear to scout out something to eat. The others had left him some of what they called ‘John’s Fried Rice’, since John was the only one who could make it the way that they all liked.

     Hercules shovelled it into his mouth, not caring about anything but getting himself fed so he could jump into the shower.

     He dumped his empty bowl into the sink and all but ran to the bathroom, turning the shower on hot, smiling at the steam that curled up from the stream of water. Good. Nice and scalding.

     Hercules squeezed some toothpaste onto his toothbrush, discarded his final item of clothing, and hopped in.

     The relief was almost instantaneous. _Ahh_.

     But something felt off. He brushed his teeth, frowning, trying to think back as to what was the matter.

     Oh, right. He’d accidentally forgotten to lock the bathroom door. Oh well, that wasn’t a huge issue; the others were locked away and it was unlikely he’d see any of them until the morning.

     Still, old habits die hard; he held his toothbrush in one hand and gingerly stepped from the shower, being careful not to slip, and, wincing at the giant puddles of water he was making, went to the bathroom door to lock it.

     The door opened.

     Lafayette stood there, in his pyjamas – _That’s my shirt_ , Hercules thought in the back of his mind – looking thoroughly surprised to see Hercules there.

     Well, he was probably more surprised to see that Hercules was naked.

     Hercules didn’t know what to do. Two seconds had passed, so it was far too late to duck out of view to maintain his dignity.

     Then Lafayette started smiling, a slow smile, and his eyes drifted unflinchingly down Hercules’ body, drinking in every inch of bare skin. And there was a lot of bare skin to cover.

     Hercules, his brain finally catching up to his situation, scrambled to duck behind the bathroom door.

     “Um,” he said.

     “Merry Christmas to me,” Lafayette said, and although Hercules couldn’t see him due to the fact that he was cowering behind a door, he could just _hear_ how delighted Lafayette sounded.

     Hercules shivered. He blamed the cold.

     “I’m – I’m just having a shower,” he said, as if explaining the fairly obvious situation would make things better.

     Lafayette hummed, and walked into the bathroom, turning to the sink. “I can see. Don’t let me stop you; I was just coming to brush my teeth.”

     Hercules was in full sight of Lafayette again. Lafayette’s back was to him, but Hercules was reflected clearly in the mirror above the sink.

     Hercules cleared his throat, and, his face blushing dark, he made his way back to the shower, which was still running.

     Lafayette openly checked him out in the mirror, smiling as he brushed his teeth.

     Hercules made sure the shower curtain was pulled all the way around the shower, and, still feeling understandably embarrassed, just stood under the spray. _This is seriously wasting water_ , he thought idly.

     “The tables have turned,” Lafayette said with a chuckle. “Is this part of some plan of yours, Herc?”

     Hercules couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Well, maybe it is,” he said. It _was_ pretty funny, anyway.

     “You trying to get me to join you in that shower?” Lafayette asked.

     Hercules’ heart tripped over itself. “Are you trying to find an excuse to?”

     Lafayette hummed in thought. “It wouldn’t be a bad idea.”

     Hercules’ pulse was racing. What was… Was there something…

     “What, no response?” Lafayette teased, and Hercules swallowed.

     He didn’t know _how_ to respond.

     “Let me know next time you plan to have a shower after the others have gone to bed,” Lafayette said. “Maybe I’ll decide I need to have one, too. Night, Herc.”

     The bathroom door closed, and Hercules was alone once again.

     He stood for a few moments in stunned silence, processing what had just happened.

     Then he smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~please please please if u have any ideas or anything u want to see, tell me!!~ i'm running low on ideas. i also don't want this fic to drag on forever bc that's the worst imho so i've already started writing the last few chapters, but i just want to see how long this middle bit can go on for while still being worth reading (if that makes sense)


	13. How the Turntables have Tabled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so this is idea was gifted to me by niklitera (thank u for that btw) and i instantly fell in love with it! i'm currently working on like three separate writing projects rn (including this one and also a lams fic with paperthinrevolutionary ahhhhh get excited) but i'll try to keep the updates regular!!

     Alexander Hamilton was a person who frequently took others by surprise. Most people, when first meeting him, were stunned by his audacity and how he wore his ideals and opinions like badges on his chest. Then they were surprised again by his creativity, how he could weave words into things of beauty, which he weaponised, more often than not, to persuade and argue. And then, those closest to him were surprised by his vulnerability: his anxiety, his self-placed pressure to excel, and desperation to succeed.

     But that wasn’t all. They were also surprised by just how fashion-conscious he was.

     Not that he often bothered with how he looked. He was always too tired to care much, or had better things to worry about. But when he put even an ounce of effort in, he, well…

     “What the fuck,” John said, his eyes bulging from their sockets.

     Alex smiled. “I look good, don’t I?”

     “Since when did you know how to pair _ties_ and _pocket squares_ and _socks_ all together to compliment each other?”

     “I have an eye for these things, John,” Alex said, adjusting his tie. “This is important. Dad needs me to look my best, so that’s what I’m doing.”

     John cocked his head. “I still don’t know why you don’t just live at home with him and your mom.”

     Alex shrugged. He didn’t like breaching the subject. “I… I just like to be independent, that’s all. Besides, I needed to move out at some time; why not now? Can you imagine being at college while having two college professors living under the same roof as you? All we’d talk about is work. No thanks.” That, and he didn’t want to feel like he was a burden on his parents. If he lived away from home, he could work until he was dead on his feet, and his parents wouldn’t know. They wouldn’t have to worry. Alex’s friends worried, sure, but it was different.

     John didn’t look particularly convinced. “Sure.”

     “What, you trying to get rid of me?”

     John huffed a laugh. “Yeah, don’t tempt me.” He frowned. “Wait, you said you needed me in here to help you out.”

     Alex brushed off his sleeve. “I lied. I just wanted to show off.”

     John rolled his eyes. “I should’ve known.”

     “Yes, you should have.” Alex grinned. “That’s okay. You learn something new every day.”

     John flipped him off. “Shove it up your ass, Hamilton.”

     Alex laughed, and then checked his watch. “I should probably get going; I don’t want to be late.”

     The two walked out into the main room, where Hercules and Lafayette were lying on the floor on their stomachs in between the couches and the TV, the coffee table shoved out of the way, books and papers and pens everywhere.

     They were working silently, picking at a bowl of grapes, Lafayette’s odd-socked feet wiggling absentmindedly in the air. Lafayette was wearing sweatpants that were just too short for him, and an old tank top that was greying with age and was dotted with holes; his hair was scraped off his face with a ragged-looking bandana, strands of loose hair sticking up from his head. He’d had a late one the night before, and his face was a little pale, and slight shadows hung under his eyes.

     Y’know, he still looked amazing, of course.

     But so did Alex. Just in a different way.

     Alex strode into the room, feeling pretty damn proud of himself. “Well?” he said. “What do you think?”

     Hercules looked up, and broke out into a smile. “Dude, nice!”

     Alex touched his hair, making sure it was flawless. “Yeah?”

     “You brush up pretty good.”

     Alex scoffed. “Please. I always look amazing. But now I’ve just gone from a ten to a twelve.” He twisted his hips around. “What about my ass? Does it look great, or does it look great?”

     “Your ass looks delectable,” John said, a touch dryly.

     “Well, we’d have to ask the expert on that,” Hercules said. “What do you think, Laf?”

     Alex grinned at Lafayette, and paused at the sight he saw.

     Lafayette sat, frozen, staring at Alex, his mouth a little agape, a grape in between his fingers, hovering in the air.

     “Laf?” John said, and Lafayette broke from his stupor, shaking his head and glancing away.

     “Um, yeah, good,” he said, his voice tight. He cleared his throat.

     Alex threw his hands in the air. “‘Yeah, good’? That’s it? I must look like shit.”

     “No,” Lafayette said fervently, looking up again. His eyes raked up and down Alex’s body, and Alex had to admit, that was probably the ego boost of the century. “No, you look… You look, um…”

     “Wow, you’ve got Laf speechless,” Hercules said. “I think you’re good to go, Alex.”

     Lafayette’s cheeks turned pink, and he put his head down. “You look fine, just go,” he said, his voice a little rough.

     If Alex were a bird, he would have ruffled his feathers and puffed his chest out, sticking his beak in the air. As it so happened, he was not a bird, and so he settled with smoothing his hands down the lapels of his jacket, trying to conceal his smile.

     “Maybe I should dress like this more often,” he said, and _oh_ boy he could now tell why Lafayette liked to tease them – this felt _good_. “I mean, if you like it, Laf.”

     Lafayette flushed even darker, and he shoved the grape in his mouth.

     “See you guys later,” Alex said cheerily, a spring in his step as he headed to the door.

     As he stepped outside and swung the door closed, he heard Lafayette’s pained voice. “ _Fuck_.”

     Alex couldn’t stop grinning the whole evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> random fact that u probs already knew: AHam was actually such a fashionista?? like he designed his own uniforms for his battalion so they'd stand out and so they looked nicer than everyone else


	14. Putain de merde

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sips at a glass of orange juice like it's fine wine* ah, so here we are again. this is probably the trashiest chapter yet but it's what y'all have been asking for and i'm happy to provide, even if i don't really know what i'm talking about. shoutout to Elfyne for the idea, although i put my own little twist on it at the end!  
> as always, your comments are works of art and i adore and treasure every single one of them, thank u so much xxx

_Spice Girls_

_Ginger:_ hey guys is anyone home? dinner just finished and mom and dad r gonna drop me back bc they have a car and i don’t

 

 _Ginger_ : laf if ur home ur not allowed to see them

 

 _Ginger_ : they tried to ask how u were doing but i was too petty/salty to tell them

 

 _Ginger_ : ????

 

 _Scary_ : yeah i’m just about to head back, this club’s getting boring

 

 _Scary_ : laf went home with some guy like half an hour ago or smth

 

 _Sporty_ : i’m almost home, eliza’s dropping me

 

 _Sporty_ : she says hi

 

 _Sporty_ : also she’s disappointed in all of u that u didn’t come to dinner with us

 

 _Scary_ : hi eliza

 

 _Ginger_ : hi eliza

 

 _Ginger_ : sorry but parents>schuylers

 

 _Sporty_ : eliza said ‘how about I shove a cactus up ur ass u tiny person’

 

 _Scary_ : is ‘tiny person’ the best insult she could have come up with

 

 _Sporty_ : I guess she was hoping it would be overlooked on account of the whole ‘shove a cactus up ur ass’ bit

 

 _Ginger_ : I’m not tiny

 

 _Sporty_ : or she just knows how to hit alex where it hurts lmao

 

 _Ginger_ : I’m not tho

 

 _Scary_ : sure thing tiny person

 

 _Ginger_ : DON’T LET THIS BECOME A THING I S2G

 

 _Scary_ : alex u know I can never resist a good meme

 

 _Ginger_ : this isn’t a meme

 

 _Ginger_ : I refuse to let it become a meme

 

 _Sporty_ : if laf says it then it’s a meme

 

 _Sporty_ : cemented in the meme museum

 

 _Ginger_ : ur all fake and I hate u

 

 _Sporty_ : ily <3

 

 _Scary_ : :*

 

     John was home first. Eliza dropped him off, kissed his cheek goodbye, and told him he was the best one out of the four boys because he was the only one who came to dinner with her and her sisters. Feeling satisfied, John told her he’d make sure to remind everyone else of that fact as frequently as he could, and then watched her drive away.

     Dinner had been nice. It wasn’t often he was able to catch up with the girls without the other three, and of course he loved having his other friends around, but sometimes it was fun to have the Schuyler sisters all to himself. It was just a different kind of vibe, one which he hadn’t really felt since he’d lived with his parents and he used to hang out with his sisters.

     He let himself into the apartment, yawning. It wasn’t that late, but, being a college student, he was pretty much perpetually tired. It probably didn’t help that it was eleven thirty on a weekday and he counted that as _not_ _that late_.

     He ran a hand through his hair and headed to the fridge almost instinctually, opening it, staring into it for a second or two before realising that there was nothing really there worth eating and that he wasn’t even hungry, and closing it again.

     Then he heard a noise.

     He went rigid, holding his breath.

     Yep, that was definitely a noise. A people kind of noise. A voice.

     Heart pounding, he crept down the hallway – and then stopped again, but for a different reason.

     He didn’t have to go another step further to know what _kind_ of noises those were. It wasn’t just one voice, it was two.

     Two voices _moaning_.

     Coming from Lafayette’s room.

     John felt blood rush to his cheeks.

     The front door swung open and John whirled around, frantically signalling for Hercules, who’d just let himself in, to be quiet.

     Hercules’ eyes widened in alarm, and he softly closed the door behind him. “What?” he hissed.

     John crept over to him. “Laf didn’t go to that guy’s house,” he whispered. “They came here.”

     Hercules certainly seemed surprised. “Well, they’re gonna be _coming_ here,” he muttered, and John snorted indelicately.

     The door opened again and bumped into Hercules. “What the–”

     Hercules and John shushed Alex, and let him in. “Laf’s getting it on with some dude in his bedroom,” Hercules explained.

     Alex blinked. “Okay,” he said slowly. “Why did they come back here?”

     “Don’t ask me,” Hercules said.

     “Why are we whispering?”

     “We don’t want him to know we’re here,” John said.

     Alex frowned. “Why?”

     “Because that’s awkward.”

     “So, what are we gonna do?” Hercules said.

     “We could…” Alex started inching towards the bedrooms, and John grabbed his arm.

     “Alex!” John hissed. “We are _not_ going to go and eavesdrop on our friend having _sex_! What is _wrong_ with you?”

     Alex threw his hands in the air. “Oh, come on, John, it’s not the most absurd idea of all time. I bet you were thinking it, too.”

     He had been. “No!”

     Alex grinned. “I think you’re lying.”

     Hercules sighed. “Okay, so let’s make that Plan B, then. What do we do now?”

     John shrugged helplessly. “Nothing, I guess. It’s not really… I mean, there’s nothing _to_ do.”

     They heard a particularly loud _Merde, George_ coming from the bedroom, and that went straight to John’s dick.

     “Did he… Did he say ‘George’?” Alex said, looking borderline horrified.

     Hercules bit on his fist to hide his laughter. “The guy has the same name as your dad!”

     John slapped his hands over his mouth, doubling over with barely-muffled laughter. “He has a thing for Georges,” he choked out, and Hercules very nearly blew their cover, only just managing to keep his laughter quiet. Alex’s face was twisted with disgust.

     “Eugh,” he whined. “That is so not funny.”

     Lafayette let out a cry, and the laughter stopped abruptly. None of the boys would ever admit it, but their ears strained for something else. Of course, they all desperately wished that they were the ones who were the cause of those absolutely divine noises coming from Lafayette’s mouth; but they wouldn’t openly admit that, either.

     It didn’t need to be. They all knew.

     John swallowed. Without even meaning to, his brain was already creating a myriad of images that could accompany the sounds. Being able to see, touch, taste the expanses of Lafayette’s brown skin, feel the muscles ripple under his fingers. Gripping Lafayette’s thick curls, pulling hard – because Lafayette would just love that, wouldn’t he? – exposing his throat. Nipping at his jaw, his neck, his collarbones: just enough to mark, to show off that Lafayette had been his, even just for a short while. Feeling Lafayette’s hands all over his body, squeezing his ass, scratching nails down his shoulders and spine, grasping at his hips – a leg hooked over his waist, digging into the small of his back, trying to push him closer – a bead of sweat rolling down Lafayette’s chest – Lafayette thrusting upwards, rocking their hips together, the most delicious sounds falling from his swollen lips – begging in a voice that was rough and broken _please, John, please, please, please_ –

     John snapped himself from his daydream. That was _so_ not the right place to be thinking those things. Not when it was quickly becoming very obvious where his mind was going.

     He whirled around and went over to dump himself on the couch, curling his arms around his knees.

     Hercules and Alex joined him. He had no idea if they’d been having a conversation or not.

     Then came another noise from the room.

     A decidedly non-sexy noise.

     The noise was: “Are you fucking _kidding me_?”

     The three boys looked at each other in alarm. What was happening?

     “He’s English,” Alex noted. There was nothing else that could really be said at that moment.

     They could hear some kind of squabble going on, and then the words: “Who is he? Who?”

     A pause. The sound of Lafayette’s muffled, much softer voice.

     “Your _roommate_? You were thinking about your _roommate_ while we were having sex?”

     John, Hercules, and Alex’s eyes widened and their mouths fell open.

     Lafayette’s bedroom door slammed open and out marched some shirtless white guy – well, he was more red than white, with a full-body flush going on – who stopped abruptly when he saw three gaping people sitting on the couch. He opened his mouth to speak, his hand raised, and then just waved the hand sharply. “You know what? I don’t want to know.”

     He yanked on his shirt and shoes, grabbed his jacket from the dining room table – which John hadn’t noticed until just then – yelled over his shoulder, “Don’t bother calling, you arsehole,” and strode out, slamming the door behind him.

     Lafayette didn’t emerge from his room.

     “Should we… Should we go comfort him?” Hercules said unsurely.

     “Maybe we should just pretend that we didn’t hear anything,” Alex said.

     “We just got home,” John added with a nod.

     Lafayette appeared in the hallway, dressed in only his boxers, and he was feeling down so John definitely didn’t take the time to notice just how mouth-wateringly dishevelled he looked, his hair wild and his body shining with a thin layer of sweat. “I know you’re here,” he said, sounding dejected. “Um, sorry you had to see that. I’ll just… I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

     John felt bad. He really did. He’d never said the wrong name during sex, but he had been kicked out before. Something about looking bored or whatever. Well, to be fair, it had been with a woman, before he’d really known just how gay he was.

     But despite feeling bad for Lafayette, he still had some questions.

     “How long has he known that we were here for?” he said softly.

     “I think there’s a more important question here, John,” Hercules said.

     “Yeah,” Alex said. “Whose name did he say?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *dramatic gasp* is that pLOT i see emerging from the depths of the Sin Bin™? and yes, that was King George III. bc i needed another character. And why is everyone going out on a week night? Bc they felt like it, that's why. Also college does weird things to people's senses of priority


	15. Blackjack/How the Turntables Have Tabled pt 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so late everyone!! i had a lot of trouble writing it, which u can probably tell due to how long it is lmao but anyway thanks for sticking around. it's kind of two ideas mushed into one but i like how it turned out in the end so i hope you do too x

     It was a squeeze fitting three extra people into the apartment living room, but they made do. It was worth it for the Schuyler sisters, anyway. And, because it was the boys’ apartment and not the Schuyler household, Angelica’s ‘no underage drinking’ rule didn’t apply. Which meant that everyone cracked open the booze and went to town.

     Well, apart from Angelica. At least, at first. She cracked half an hour into the evening.

     They wound up watching _Beauty and the Beast_ – “It is the musical of my people,” Lafayette declared, and pointed at the TV excitedly every time a word of French was spoken – and, needless to say, it wound up turning into a drinking game. All they had to hand was beer, and so it was a sip every time the words ‘Beast’, ‘Gaston’, ‘Belle’, ‘spell’, ‘master’ and ‘book’ where spoken; every time a musical number started; and after every verse in the song _Gaston_.

     Things went downhill pretty quickly from there.

     John found a deck of cards shoved in with the alcohol in the kitchen cupboard, and Hercules didn’t know who suggested they play blackjack, but Peggy was dealing the cards and everyone was sitting in a circle around the coffee table, and then the game began.

     Hercules wasn’t the best at blackjack, but it didn’t matter: it was decided that the loser of each round just had to drink. Hardly high stakes.

     That is, until the first round ended. Lafayette had well and truly lost. He sighed, and said, “ _Bien_ , fine. I’ll start it off, then.”

     Hercules was just about to ask what he meant, when Lafayette pulled off his socks, tossing them over his shoulder.

     Eliza giggled. “What?”

     Lafayette frowned. “Aren’t we playing strip blackjack?”

     Alex, John and Peggy started laughing, far too hard.

     Hercules opened his mouth. He thought it was to start laughing as well, but instead what came out was, “Yeah.”

     Angelica held up a finger. “Hang on–”

     “That’s what we’re doing,” Hercules interrupted her, nodding to Lafayette. “Hey, Laf, are you good at blackjack?”

     Lafayette spluttered, waving his hands. “ _Am_ I? I am… I am _fantastique_. I am the master of blackjack of France.”

     “So, you suck,” Alex said, still giggling.

     Lafayette stuck his tongue out. “ _Va te faire enculer_ , Alex.”

     Hercules made eye contact with John, and hesitated, realising he had no idea how to let John know that _if Laf is shit at blackjack that means we can get him naked_ with only a look.

     He settled with raising his eyebrows expectantly. John’s brow crumpled. “What?”

     Hercules pressed his lips together, wracking his beer-addled brain, and then just shook his head. “Nothing.”

     John gasped. “Oh!” he said, in what Hercules guessed he thought was a whisper, but really wasn’t. John nodded. “Right,” he said, dragging out the word. He made finger guns at Hercules, winking, making a clicking noise with his tongue. “I got you, my guy.”

     Hercules snorted a laugh.

     Everyone was glancing between them. “What?” Peggy said.

     “Nothing, nothing,” Hercules said. He clapped his hands. “Blackjack! Strip blackjack! Yeah!”

     “That’s so not fair,” Eliza said. “I’m wearing a dress. If I lose once them I’m already in my underwear.”

     “And social stigma says that it’s far worse for a woman to be topless than a man,” Angelica added. “Which means that we lose even worse.”

     “Okay,” Alex said, “then, Eliza, you have to lose twice to take your dress off. Got it? And no one has to get _naked_ if they don’t want to.”

 _Damn_ , Hercules thought. “Can we just play?”

     “Someone’s eager,” Angelica said with a chuckle.

     “ _Oui_ , let’s play!” Lafayette said, throwing his hands up wildly. “Blackjack blackjack blackjack!”

 

     Twenty minutes later, clothes were scattered across the room. Hercules had lost his beanie, his shirt, and his belt; Alex had lost his socks; John had lost his jacket and shirt; Angelica had lost her cardigan and top; Eliza had pulled on Lafayette’s socks to act as an extra layer of clothing but had since lost them, as well as her necklace, which she’d _insisted_ acted as an extra layer; and Peggy was one hundred percent clothed.

     Her sisters were more than suspicious at that.

     And Lafayette… Lafayette was in his underwear. But it was actually turning out to be an advantage: Hercules, Alex, and John were so distracted by his body that they couldn’t concentrate on the game properly. Angelica and Eliza were sneaking glances, but it was the boys who were really affected by it.

     And Peggy sat atop of her metaphorical throne that was made of the discarded clothes of her friends.

     “Herc,” John said.

     Hercules snapped his eyes away from Lafayette’s stomach, his cheeks going red. “Uh, what?”

     John gestured to his cards, and Hercules glanced down at his hand, and blurted, “Yeah. Gimme a…”

     John passed him a card, and Hercules’ eyes widened as he really registered what his cards said. “Wait, no–”

     “Too late,” Peggy sang. “You already got it.”

     Hercules picked up the card John gave him. A ten. He threw his cards down. “Fuck. I’m out.”

     “Take your pants off!” Eliza crowed, and everyone cheered.

     Hercules huffed, muttering something about this game being _a load of bullshit_ , and stood up, stripping down to his underwear. He was met with wolf-whistles and a round of applause. He bowed, holding his arms out wide. Alex ordered that he give everyone a twirl, and so he did.

     “You and Laf are tied for last place so far,” Angelica said as Hercules sat down again. She gasped. “Loser has to give us a show.”

     Everyone cheered. “Loser has to give the winner a lap dance!” John said.

     Peggy made a face. “Ugh, no thanks. I’ll decide who gets the lap dance.”

     John threw his hand into the air. “Me!” His hands dropped. “I mean… Fuck, I didn’t mean to say that out loud.”

 

     The game continued. Eliza was soon also tying for last place.

     But then it happened.

     “Oh no,” Hercules said to himself under his breath, staring at the card he was just dealt by Angelica. “Oh fuck. Shit.”

     “What?” Alex said, craning his neck to peek at his cards. Hercules snatched them from his view, pressing them against his chest.

     “Hey, fuck off. You can’t cheat.”

     “Have you lost?” Alex said, looking over the moon at the very thought of it.

     “Are you bust?” Angelica asked. “You gotta say if you are.”

     Everyone leant forward in anticipation. Hercules set his jaw, and then let his cards fall onto the table. “Yes, I’m bust,” he said, the words grinding from him with the utmost reluctance, and it sent the room into uproarious celebration.

     “Let me pick who’s gonna get the lap dance!” Peggy said.

     “You haven’t won yet,” Eliza pointed out.

     Peggy rolled her eyes. “Hun, all I’ve lost is my bracelet. The rest of y’all have lost all your dignity. I think I’ve pretty much won.”

     “I don’t even know how to lap dance,” Hercules whined.

     “Let’s be real, I probably should have lost here,” Lafayette said with a shrug. “I mean, I have the best moves.”

     “Fine, then,” Peggy said. “You can be the one to get it. You can be like Herc’s teacher, and you’re the master.”

     And Hercules watched as Lafayette’s face went bright red. “That’s… That’s not what I meant,” he said in a small voice.

     “Can I pick the music?” Angelica asked, whipping out her phone. Eliza crowded up next to her, watching carefully as they scrolled through her music library.

     “Lap dance!” Alex cried, scrambling to his feet, almost stumbling over as he did so. John stood up as well, the two using each other for balance, and they went and got a dining chair. “Someone move the table!”

     “Alex, no, don’t carry it over your head like that,” Eliza said, just as Alex tripped over his feet. The chair would have caused some serious damage if John hadn’t managed to rip it from Alex’s hands, sending Alex tumbling to the floor.

     “I am the saviour!” John boomed, brandishing the chair like a trophy in the air.

     “John, no,” Eliza said.

     Alex crawled over and started pushing the coffee table to the side as John made his way over.

     “Got it!” Angelica said.

     “Lemme see,” Peggy demanded, beckoning her sister closer with an impatient hand.

     Hercules felt woefully unprepared. He glanced at Lafayette, who was being strangely quiet. He shuffled closer to him.

     “You know you don’t have to do this, right?” he asked softly.

     Lafayette gnawed on his bottom lip. “I know,” he replied. “Neither do you.”

     Hercules’ breath caught, and his stomach twisted. “I know,” he replied.

     Nothing more was said.

 

     The girl pulled Lafayette and Hercules to their feet, shoving Lafayette into the chair. “Ladies, please,” Lafayette said, the previous traces of uncertainty now completely vanished. “Everyone can have their turn.”

     Peggy tapped a finger against her lips, her head cocked in thought, as Angelica fiddled with the speakers. “Should I tie your hands together behind the chair?”

     “Whoa, Peggs,” John said, laughing a little nervously, “this isn’t some BDSM club. Herc just lost blackjack.”

     Hercules and Alex chuckled as well, also a little nervously. They exchanged knowing glances with each other. The sight of Lafayette, dressed only in his underwear, tied to a chair… Well, they’d all probably have to excuse themselves from the room for a while.

     Peggy grinned wickedly and stroked a finger along the edge of Lafayette’s jaw, tilting his head up when she reached his chin. “You won’t move, will you, Laf?” she asked in a voice that didn’t take no for an answer.

     Lafayette shook his head. Peggy tilted his head up further. “Good,” she said simply, and moved her finger, letting him drop his head back. “Put your hands behind your back anyway. Don’t move them.”

     And Lafayette complied without question.

     Hercules’ eyes widened. Holy shit, Laf was _into_ this.

     “Oh my God, suddenly you directing that porno makes so much sense,” Angelica said.

     “So does Laf being the little bitch,” Eliza said with a giggle. “Damn, Peggy, you takin' this _seriously_.”

     Peggy giggled, suddenly looking again like the eighteen-year-old she was. “It’s fun,” she said with a shrug. “Getting to be the big boss.”

     “That was really hot,” Alex whispered loudly.

     Eliza hit him. “Don’t say that about my sister.”

     “He wasn’t talking about your sister,” John said.

     Alex hit him. “Shut up.”

     “Well, it’s true!”

     The music started blasting as Angelica finally got the speakers working, and Hercules burst out laughing. “ _Toxic_? You’re making me do a lap dance to _Toxic_?”

     “Damn right we are,” Angelica said.

     “This song is iconic,” Eliza said.

     “Hey, I’m not protesting that,” Hercules said. “It’s just… unexpected.”

     “You don’t have to do the whole song,” Peggy said. “Just until I’m satisfied.”

     Hercules raised his eyebrows. “Wow. Damn. All right then. The rules are set.”

     “Start from the beginning,” John said, and settled on the couch. The others joined him, Peggy pointing Hercules to his starting point.

     Which was two metres in front of Lafayette, facing him. Lafayette sat silently, chewing on his bottom lip – as he had been for quite a few minutes, judging by its redness – his hands behind the chair, his legs not spread as they usually would be, but held closer together. And the look he was giving Hercules… Man, Hercules had to take a moment to get his head in the game.

     “This is ridiculous,” he said, just to clarify that with everyone.

     “Ready?” Peggy said.

     “I don’t even know what to do!”

     “Laf will tell you what he likes, won’t you, Laf?” Peggy said.

     Lafayette nodded. _Fuck_ , Hercules thought.

     “Is someone recording?” Angelica said.

     “Oh, me me me!” Alex cried, scrabbling for his phone.

     “No!” Hercules moaned.

     “Too late,” Alex said, the phone held in landscape.

     Hercules glared at him. “This better not be on Snapchat.”

     “No, it’s just for me,” Alex said with a grin.

     “And me,” John added.

     “Go!” Peggy ordered, and Angelica pressed play.

 

     Hercules was _way_ out his depth. Was it too late to back out? Surely his friends wouldn’t hold it against him if he put his foot down.

     He didn’t do this stuff. He was built like an ox, and although he wasn’t clumsy, he certainly couldn’t be called graceful. He just… wasn’t made for this kind of thing. He couldn’t slink and slide like lap dancers did. Like Lafayette could.

     Hercules shuffled up to Lafayette, stopping a few feet away. “Uh,” he said. As much as he loved Britney Spears, the song wasn’t really helping him any.

     Lafayette just looked up at him.

     “Stop being a fucking chicken,” Peggy demanded. “I want to see something worth remembering.”

     “Peggy,” Angelica said, and Peggy held out her hands in defence.

     “What? I want to see two hot dudes doing hot things. Is that so bad?”

     “Sit on his lap!” John yelled.

     “I’m too heavy,” Hercules said. “I might crush him.”

     “You won’t,” Lafayette said.

     Hercules took a breath in. “This is so awkward,” he whispered to Lafayette.

     “Then say you don’t want to do it,” Lafayette said. “It’s up to you, _mon ami_.”

     Hercules swallowed. God, Lafayette just looked so fucking gorgeous. How the fuck did he look so gorgeous?

     “Or,” Lafayette said, “if you like…” He shrugged. “You could touch me.”

     Hercules’ heartbeat kicked into fourth gear. “I don’t…”

     “Get on your knees,” Lafayette said gently, letting his legs fall open.

     Hercules complied. He was met with whistling.

     “Come up close,” Lafayette said. “Put your hands on my knees.”

     Hercules did so, his hands shaking. Not too close, but fucking holy fuck, this was intense. He could feel his whole body blushing.

     “Slide your hands up my thighs,” Lafayette said, his voice a little breathy. Hercules looked him in the eye, making sure that he was okay with all of this, and let his hands wander up Lafayette’s thighs. Lafayette was biting his lip again.

     “Now, come up close like you’re going to kiss me, but don’t,” he said.

     Okay, Hercules was starting to get what to do now. Just teasing. He could tease. It probably wouldn’t be as sexy as a normal lap dance, but he could manage.

     Feeling a little light-headed, Hercules slowly got to his feet, letting his eyes brush over Lafayette’s bare chest, and letting his lips hesitate over Lafayette’s before pulling back. Lafayette opened his mouth, but Hercules put a finger on his lips. “Let me give it a try,” he said, a small smile on his lips, and Lafayette started smiling too, and nodded.

     Hercules put a hand on the back corner of the chair and positioned one foot to the side, swinging the other over and settling into a straddle over Lafayette’s lap. Everyone cheered him on. He broke into a laugh. “This is ridiculous,” he chuckled, resting his head on Lafayette’s shoulder.

     “You’re doing well,” Lafayette said.

     Hercules straightened up again, his face inches from Lafayette’s. “This would be so much sexier if I knew what I was doing,” he said, taking his hands and trailing them down Lafayette’s chest.

     Lafayette shuddered, which made Hercules feel pretty fucking smug. “If you knew what you were doing, this would be dangerous,” Lafayette said.

     Hercules let his hands wander down to Lafayette hips. “Or maybe if no one else was here.”

     Lafayette licked his lips. “Maybe,” he said, his voice catching.

     Hercules climbed off Lafayette lap. “How am I doing?” he asked their audience.

     “Too much talking,” Peggy said. “And the song’s almost over. Let me see something. I want my money’s worth.”

     “You didn’t pay.”

     “I spent my fucking time, hanging out with you losers.”

     “And drinking all our booze,” Alex muttered.

     “Dance for me, boy,” Peggy said, and Hercules laughed.

     “All right, all right.”

     Hercules went around the back of the chair, strutting ridiculously over the top in time to the music, ghosting his hand over Lafayette’s skin as he did so. When he was behind the chair, he ran his hands down Lafayette’s chest again. Fuck, he could do that all day. Lafayette’s chest felt fucking amazing.

     When his lips were level with Lafayette’s ear, he murmured, “This is something lap dancers do, right?”

     Lafayette nodded, short, sharp nods.

     Hercules pulled back again, going back to the front. “Do the Bend and Snap!” John called, and Hercules sniggered.

     He went in front of Lafayette, facing away from him, and reached down for his toes, shaking his ass from side to side as he did so, and then, instead of snapping, he slowly came back up. Mostly because he was too drunk to do it quickly, and he had a feeling that he would have fallen over if he’d tried. He twirled back to Lafayette and put one foot next to Lafayette’s thigh, on the edge of the seat, shimmying his shoulders, trying not to laugh too hard. He straddled Lafayette’s lap again, stroking a hand down Lafayette’s face – not failing to notice how Lafayette was looking more than a little moon-eyed. Lafayette let his head fall back so Hercules’ hand could travel down his throat, and then to the back of Lafayette’s neck, where Hercules took a hold of some of Lafayette’s hair and gave it a playful tug.

     Lafayette moaned.

     Hercules and Lafayette both froze, and Hercules quickly took his hand back. The song was moments away from ending.

     Lafayette’s throat and face were growing dark. “ _Je suis désolé_ ,” he said hurriedly. “I…”

     Hercules shook his head. “No, that’s…” He started smiling, against his better judgement. “That’s okay. That is okay.”

     He’d made Lafayette _moan_.

     Lafayette had dropped the no-hands rule, and was scratching the bridge of his nose to hide his face, his gaze on the floor. “That was an accident,” he said in a small voice.

     “Okay, you can get off him now,” Eliza said, making everyone laugh.

     Hercules climbed off Lafayette’s lap. He’d never felt more proud in his whole life.

 

     After the girls had left, the boys went to bed. Hercules ran into Lafayette in the bathroom, both of them brushing their teeth. “Hey, Laf?” Hercules said.

     Lafayette was still avoiding his gaze somewhat. “Mm?”

     Hercules had a million questions to ask. Now wasn’t the right time to ask any of them. “Tonight was fun,” he said instead.

     Lafayette made eye contact with him in the mirror, and nodded, but said nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it took me literally 15 years to write the first like third of this chapter and then i wrote the rest all tonight man oh man am i going to be tired tomorrow rip me


	16. Tectonic Earthquake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *takes a deep breath in* ooookay i seriously considered not uploading this even tho i stayed up till like 1 in the morning writing it and i just *shakes hands out like i'm an olympic swimmer about to get onto the platform* mmmmmokay i have no idea what i'm doing???? like my hands got all clammy and this is an adrenaline rush hoo boy all righty feedback the thing yes good okay ehhhhhhh

     Hercules, Lafayette, and Alex were all at the library studying. John had opted to stay home, much preferring the comfortable stillness of an empty nest to the oppressive silence of the library. That, and at home, he could stuff his face with food while he was studying. Which he would undoubtedly regret later, but John had never been one for restraining impulses, especially if they were food-related.

     It was about quarter past three in the afternoon when he heard the door open and close. “John?” Alex called.

     “Still here,” John called back, not looking up from his work. He heard footsteps coming towards his room, and then Alex was there, knocking gently on the doorframe.

     “Am I interrupting?”

     John glanced down at his work, and shrugged, pushing his chair away from his desk. “Nah.”

     Alex wandered into his room and sat down on the edge of his bed. “The others sent me home,” he explained. “For a break.”

     “Good,” John said.

     “I think they just wanted to get ice cream and I wouldn’t let them.”

     “Well, having a break is still good.”

     Alex flopped back onto the bed with a sigh. “Your bed’s so comfy. Have I ever told you that?”

     “You might mention it every time you sit down on it,” John said with a laugh, going over to sit beside him. “It kind of implies that _your_ bed isn’t comfy.”

     “It’s not as worn-in as yours,” Alex said, stretching. “Mine feels like a bed at a hotel.”

     “Hotel mattresses are arguably far more worn-in than mine,” John said, lying down on his back.

     “You get what I mean.”

     John hummed in agreement.

     There was a beat of silence. “Hey, John?”

     John turned his head to find Alex already looking at him. “Yeah?”

     Alex chewed on the inside of his lip for a second. “You know the whole thing with Laf…?”

     “What d’you mean? The name thing?”

     “Yeah.”

     “What about it?”

     Alex kept John’s gaze. “I just want to make it clear – whoever’s name he did say, that’s not gonna become a thing, right?”

     John frowned. “Huh?”

     Alex waved his hands in the air in thought. “I don’t mean… I mean, the other two of us aren’t gonna be jealous, whoever it was. It’s not going to be that kind of thing. It’s not some Shakespeare play were everyone’s jealous of each other and someone ends up dead. You know what I mean?”

     John shrugged, looking towards the ceiling. “Yeah, course. I know it’s not. I mean, of course I wish he’d said my name, but if he said yours or Herc’s, that wouldn’t mean that I would stop being friends with you or hate you or anything like that.”

     “Exactly,” Alex said. He seemed satisfied with John’s response. “And I’m sure Herc feels that way, too.”

     “You know he would,” John said with a nod. He looked back at Alex. “And anyway, Laf would be lucky to have you.”

     Alex had been watching John’s face, and he smiled. John adored Alex’s smiles. They completely lit up his whole face. “He’d be lucky to have you, too.”

     John felt something stir inside him.

_He’d be lucky to have you, too._

_Too._

     John let his eyes flit over Alex’s face. He had these lips that John often found himself staring at – bow lips, full, soft. A little pouty, maybe, when Alex’s face was completely relaxed, and when he was focused. He had shadows under his eyes, which wasn’t new, and John wondered if he’d ever actually seen his friend without them. His eyes were a warm dark brown, like the colour of sea glass in the sun. His hair was out, unusually, and a dark lock curled over his cheek.

     John had never been one for restraining impulses. He reached out a brushed the hair from Alex’s face.

     Alex, for once in his life, said nothing. He did nothing, either, although John didn’t get the impression that the action had been an unwelcome one. No – Alex just seemed like he was… waiting.

     John brought his hand back, not breaking eye contact. He wet his lips, and said, softly, “I think we may need to talk. All of us. About. Things.”

     Alex nodded. “Yeah,” he said. “I think so too.”

     John took a breath. “Yeah.”

     And he propped himself up onto his elbow so he could lean down and kiss Alex.

     Alex’s hand came up to cradle John’s cheek, easily kissing him back. Alex’s lips were as soft as they looked.

     It wasn’t a long kiss. John pulled away, and he bit his lip, smiling. Alex’s cheeks grew pink, and he let out a shy laugh. “That was… nice,” he said.

     “Yeah,” John said. “It was.”

     “It’s kinda been a while.”

     “Same.”

     “I mean, there was that–”

     “That party, yeah–”

     “But that was a while ago now, and I mean it was–”

     “Different,” John said, nodding in understanding. “Yeah.”

     Alex sat up, and John sat up beside him. They looked at each other for a moment, unsure of what to do next. “What do you think the others are doing?” Alex asked.

     John shrugged. “Probably getting ice cream.”

     Alex chuckled. “I bet Laf’s dropped it all over himself.”

     John huffed. “He does it on purpose, you know. He hates messes. He just likes an excuse to take his shirt off.”

     “Well, I mean, I’m not mad about it,” Alex said.

     “Oh, neither am I,” John said earnestly. He sighed, his thoughts drifting to Lafayette’s abs and arms and back and everything. “Neither am I.”

     “He’s going to fucking kill us all,” Alex said. “He knows _exactly_ how irresistible he is. Surely he must know. You can’t just play it all up like that and not know.”

     “The way he walks around the apartment wearing only his underwear…” John bit his lip.

     Alex moaned. “Oh man, don’t even get me started. And you wake up in the mornings and he’s made you a coffee and he just gives it to you, looking like he’s straight out of a photoshoot, wearing nothing but boxers, and he expects you to just act like a normal human being?”

     “Fuck, that George guy was lucky,” John said. “He was lucky he even got as much time as he did with Laf.”

     Alex looked at John. “Laf _knew_ we were home, John. He had to have known. He would have heard the door.”

     John frowned, and shook his head. “No, we were really quiet.”

     “Not at first,” Alex said. “John, he was being loud because he _knew we were home_.”

     John sucked in a breath. “Oh fuck,” he said, in a voice that he would later swear wasn’t a whimper.

     “He wanted us to hear him,” Alex said. His eyes were darker now, his voice rough, his eyes darting to John’s lips. “He was thinking about us.”

     John surged forward, capturing Alex’s lips once again. Alex responded eagerly, his hand snaking around the back of John’s neck. John curled a fist in Alex’s shirt. The kisses were hot and hungry, Alex’s tongue sliding against John’s, teeth tugging on lips, desperate noises escaping into the air.

     John pulled back just enough to say, “Get on the bed,” and Alex let go of John to scramble back, kicking off his shoes and pulling off his socks, John doing the same, and then John was leaning over Alex, trailing kisses down his throat, absolutely loving the way Alex gasped and shuddered. “Are we doing this?” Alex breathed. “Do you wanna…”

     “Yes,” John said instantly, moving his lips back to Alex’s. Alex kissed him with abandon, and then he was grabbing the hem of John’s shirt and John let him pull it over his head and toss it aside. Alex’s hands explored John’s torso, and then he was flipping them over so he could press wet kisses all over John’s abdomen and chest. “Oh, fuck, you’re hot,” he moaned in between kisses.

     John laughed breathlessly, and then he was reaching for Alex’s shirt. Alex hesitated for a moment, and then let John undress him. John cupped his face and pulled him in for another kiss, one hand slipping underneath Alex’s belt to his ass. “Pants off,” he mumbled, and then Alex was using one hand to balance himself and the other to fiddle with his belt. John batted his hands away to do it instead, and undid the button and zip on his pants, unceremoniously shoving them down to his knees.

     Alex pulled back, kneeling, and snorted. “Do my pants crumpled around my knees turn you on?” he drawled sarcastically.

     John’s gaze moved down his chest to his dick, still tucked into his underwear, and raised his eyebrows. “Nope,” he said, “but _that_ sure does.”

     Alex looked down at himself, and huffed. “So I’ll be topping, is that what you’re saying?”

     John shook his head. “Oh, no. Not a chance.”

     Alex laughed. “Yeah, I thought as much.” He gestured to John. “Well? Pants?”

     “Oh, right,” John said, and the two boys went about getting down to their underwear before, unable to stay away from each other for too long, their lips met, John once again on top. Hands skimmed excitedly over bare skin. John ran a hand through Alex’s hair, and Alex blurted, “Pull on it, pull on it,” and so John curled a fist at the roots and tugged.

     Alex broke away with a whine. “No, no, hard, hard, pull it harder.”

     John shouldn’t have been surprised – both by Alex’s wish and by the fact that he was practically begging for it – but it made his pulse jump, and, with only a little hesitation, gave Alex’s hair a sharp pull. Alex gasped into John’s mouth. “ _Fuck_ , yes.”

     John found himself smiling, and, just because he liked to push his boundaries, yanked on Alex’s hair, forcing his head back. Alex let out a choked gasp, his eyes squeezed shut.

     “Too much?” John said.

     Alex bit his lip, and shook his head.

     John let out a disbelieving laugh. “Are you trying not to _nut_?”

     “No,” Alex said weakly.

     “Good,” John said, tightening his grip in Alex’s hair and leaning down to run his tongue up Alex’s throat.

     Alex cried out. “No, John, stop stop stop.”

     John pulled back with a laugh. “God, you’re easy.”

     “It’s been a while, fuck off.”

     “I haven’t even touched you yet.”

     Alex glared at him. “And you’re not _gonna_ touch me if you keep being an asshole.”

     John conceded, releasing Alex’s hair. “Fine, fair enough.”

     Alex whined. “I didn’t say let go of my hair,” he said brashly, and John laughed again.

     “And get those off,” Alex added, snapping the waistband of John’s boxers.

     John rolled his eyes. “You never stop talking, do you?”

     “ _You’re_ the one not shutting up.”

     John yanked Alex’s head back again by his hair, and Alex let out a cry. “I’ll shut up when I want to, baby girl,” John murmured against Alex’s throat, and Alex let out the filthiest moan John had ever heard.

     “For fuck’s sake, just fucking fuck me already, fuck,” Alex pleaded.

     John kissed him, slow and deep, sliding his underwear down his legs and kicking them away, and then helping Alex with his.

     John managed to tear himself away to crawl over and rummage through the compartment in his bedside table. “Uh…”

     “Don’t you have anything?” Alex said, panting, his skin flushed.

     “Do you?”

     Alex shook his head. They met eyes, and then spoke in unison. “Laf.”

     They hurried to Lafayette’s room, feeling very weird going through the apartment naked, even if it was just across the hall, and opened Lafayette’s private drawer.

     “Whoa,” John said. “That’s… He has a…”

     “Great,” Alex said, throwing his hands in the air, “now I’m gonna think about Laf fucking himself with that–”

     “Found some,” John said, pulling out a box of condoms.

     Then the front door opened.

     “Shit,” Alex hissed, quickly closing Lafayette’s bedroom door. He and John stared at each other, eyes wide, the sound of Hercules’ and Lafayette’s voices drifting up the hallway.

     “What are we gonna do?” John whispered.

     Alex just leant forward and kissed him. John pulled back. “What are you doing?”

     “Giving Laf a taste of his own medicine.”

     “What about Herc?”

     “Merry Christmas to him.”

     “Laf could walk in here at any second.”

     Alex quirked an eyebrow. “Do you really think that _that_ is something that’s going to change my mind?”

     John shrugged. “Okay. Fair point.” And he grabbed Alex, shoved him down onto Lafayette’s bed, and continued where they’d left off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes this is a lams chapter but yes there's a point to it  
> voice off-screen: ingrid u can't have both laf AND alex have hair-pulling kinks  
> me: fucikgn watch me


	17. Je M'Appelle Laf/How the Turntables Have Tabled pt 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "whaaaat? two chapters in two days???" you might be saying. well, i thought i'd get this out today (i literally just finished writing it like one minute ago so sorry for any typos, this is not read over at all, people) seeing as the next few days for me are going to be SO BUSY that i don't think i'll have any time to work on c'est moi. just for a few days, i promise!  
> the rating of this fic has changed from T to M due to the last chapter, which gave me a little more freedom to be a little more... well... descriptive, in this chapter. this is literally the most sinful thing i have ever posted online; if you don't hear from me by the end of the week assume the cops (or the lord) have found me and i'm on the run.  
> i really hope you guys enjoy! you are literally the lights of my life! x

     Lafayette loved chocolate ice cream. He also loved taking study breaks. So what better way to spend the afternoon than doing both? It involved forcing Alex to leave, but that was a sacrifice Lafayette was willing to make. Even if that meant not being able to stare at the way Alex's lips pouted adorably when he was concentrating.

     And anyway, this way, Lafayette could pretend that he was on a date with Hercules. There wasn’t as much kissing or hand-holding involved as he would have liked – in fact, there was none at all – but he could live with that.

     As he and Hercules sat side-by-side on a bench, their bags packed with textbooks and laptops at their feet and ice creams in their hands, Lafayette wondered, for at least the millionth time, what it would be like if they had actually been on a date. They’d be holding hands right now, for sure, and Lafayette would ask if he could try some of Hercules’ strawberry ice cream and then lean over to kiss him, tasting the flavour of it on his lips. And then Hercules would kiss him back, and then they’d go home so they could show Alex and John what their ice creams had tasted like, too.

     But they weren’t dating. None of them were dating.

     Oh, Lafayette knew very well that his housemates were attracted to him. He wasn’t blind. He could see the way they gawked and drooled over him. And yeah, of course he took every opportunity he could to flaunt what his _mére_ gave him: he’d always loved the spotlight, and it was nice to have a constant reminder of how hot he was.

     But he gawked and drooled over his friends as much as they did to him. He was just better at hiding it. And they never saw the other looks Lafayette gave them, either. The _oh my God you are just amazing_ looks and the _I just really wanna be your boyfriend_ looks and the _you guys are making it really hard not to fall in love with you_ looks.

     People always assumed that, because Lafayette was so outgoing and flamboyant and melodramatic, he wore his heart on his sleeve. But that just wasn’t true. He’d been hurt enough times in the past to know that it was sometimes just easier to keep things to himself. Especially if those ‘things’ included having absolutely ridiculous crushes on all three of his housemates, and he really just didn’t know if any of those feelings were returned.

     So Lafayette hid them behind a wall of feigned promiscuity and flirtatiousness. The physical stuff – being open about being physically attracted to them, and making them flustered with his bluffing advances – was way easier to deal with than the emotional stuff. Which he was fine with. Most of the time.

     Until he’d made the mistake of thinking about the wrong person instead of the guy he’d been having sex with, _while_ having sex with him. And instead of saying his name – who was it? George someone? – he’d said–

     “You all right?”

     Lafayette was snapped from his thoughts, and smiled at Hercules. “Of course, _mon ami_. Just daydreaming.”

     “What, about your chocolate ice cream?” Hercules said with a teasing smile that made Lafayette’s heart feel like it was made out of bubbles.

     “No comment,” Lafayette said. “You know how much I love chocolate ice cream.”

     Hercules chuckled. Lafayette wanted to kiss him. He didn’t.

     The journey back home was nice, comfortable. They talked about everything and nothing, as Lafayette so often found himself doing with his friends.

     They let themselves into the apartment, and, just as they were putting their stuff down, Hercules smacked a hand to his forehead. “Fuck, I forgot about dinner. It’s my turn to cook tonight.”

     Lafayette made a dismissive sound. “Don’t worry about it. I’m sure there’s stuff in the fridge.”

     “No, there isn’t, I checked this morning.” Hercules sighed and patted his pockets, making sure he had his phone and wallet. “I’ll be back in about half an hour.”

     “Let me come with you,” Lafayette said, but Hercules waved him off.

     “Nah, it’s fine. I like grocery shopping on my own. Do you feel like anything in particular?”

     Lafayette shrugged. “Ah, nachos? Whatever.”

     Hercules nodded. “All right, nachos it is. Let the others know, yeah?”

     “Will do,” Lafayette said, and if he and Hercules had been dating, right now would be the time that Hercules would lean over for a quick peck on the lips or the cheek before ducking out the door.

     But instead, Hercules just smiled, and left.

     Lafayette sighed, and dragged his hands down his face. Fucking emotions.

     He picked up his backpack again to take it to his room. He’d gotten as much work done as he’d needed to – Alex may have worked himself to death, but the other three were hardly lazy when it came to their academics, either – and was looking forward to changing into his pyjamas and settling down for the evening. Now that he thought about it, he didn’t really feel like having nachos at all. Maybe he could call Hercules and ask if–

     Lafayette stopped in his tracks.

     There were people in his room.

     There were people in his room, having sex.

     Lafayette’s brain flew into bewilderment. Was it Alex, or John? Why Lafayette’s room? What was happening?

     Then he heard Alex – unmistakably Alex – moan, “Oh _God_ , John.”

     Lafayette’s eyes widened to the size of dinner plates.

     Alex _and_ John?

     Alex and John were…

     What…

     When did this…

     They were actually…

     In _Lafayette’s_ room?

     Where Lafayette would be _sleeping_ tonight?

     Did they _know_ that Lafayette would be unable to think about _anything else_?

     Lafayette dropped his bag where it was, and hurried to his bedroom door, moving up close. He bit his lip. He should _really_ not have been doing this. This was a complete invasion of privacy. Even if they were going at it in his room.

     He heard someone hiss, and then John’s voice, alive with humour: “Fuck, Alex, you’re such a slut.”

     And then Alex’s breathless response: “Shut the fuck up.”

     Lafayette closed his eyes and resisted banging his head against the door. This was torture. Of course Alex would be needy. And of course he wouldn’t admit it.

     Lafayette sighed, and rubbed his eyes. This was weird. If they found out that he’d been listening in, then they probably wouldn’t ever speak to him again.

     It was the situation from the other night, but reversed, in a way. But Lafayette had known that the others were home; known that they’d been listening. Of course he’d been loud. Saying the wrong name had been an accident, but making sure his housemates knew exactly what had been going on in that room had been entirely intentional.

     But he had no idea if John and Alex knew that he was at home. And he was pretty damn sure they didn’t know he was standing _right outside the door_.

     Lafayette shook his head. No. Time to go now. They’d leave his room eventually.

     He went to step away, but then he heard John moan – which made Lafayette more than a little hot under the collar – and Alex say, “You thinking about him?”

     Lafayette paused. Okay, this was some gossip. He prayed that this wasn’t going to be a repetition of his own disaster, and that Alex wasn't about to burst from the room in a rage at any second, but this was an interesting development.

     John just moaned again response.

     “He’d look so good right now, wouldn’t he?” Alex said, half of his words almost lost in his heavy breathing. “He’d be – _fuck_ – so good for you, John, so good…”

     So this wasn’t a mistake. This wasn’t a problem. In fact, this was the opposite of a problem. From the sounds of it, they’d talked about this guy before.

     John let out a sob, and Alex let out gasp that turned into a laugh – what had John done to extract that from him? Maybe bit into his skin, or hit just the right spot... God, Lafayette was hard, and he hated himself for it, but he was too enraptured in his own curiosity to care just then. “Say his name, babe,” Alex said, “let me hear it.”

     John cried out – what had Alex done to create that sound? – and groaned, “Fuck, _Laf_.”

     Lafayette’s blood turned to ice and he sucked in a breath, frozen. Strangely, he felt like he’d been caught, as if, by saying his name, John somehow knew that he was just outside the door.

     Lafayette’s heart began thudding against his ribcage, his stomach bubbling and twisting. John was thinking about  _him_. And that  _turned Alex on_.

     Lafayette. They'd spoken about Lafayette before.

     How many times had John and Alex slept together? How many times had they been thinking about Lafayette while doing it, whispering and moaning his name to each other? Did they know that Lafayette thought about them, too?

     Lafayette closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to try to calm himself. It didn't work.

     Alex let out a soft groan. “You sound so pretty saying his name, babe.” He hissed. “Do that again, do that again.”

     Whatever John had done, he did it again, and Alex’s voice came out breathy. “Fuck, I’m close.”

     John gasped. “Alex–”

     “No, no, say his name again.” Alex sounded absolutely fucking wrecked, and Lafayette’s blood was pumping and he really didn’t know if he could handle much more of this. He rest his forehead against the door. “I – _shit_ , _yes_ – I wanna hear you say it. I wanna hear you thinking about him.”

     Lafayette bit his lip to stop himself from moaning, and he palmed at himself through his jeans.

     “Laf,” John choked out. “Laf, God.”

     Lafayette shuddered. “ _Merde_ ,” he breathed. He had to leave – he told himself he had to leave, or he was going to do something he would later regret. He didn’t know exactly what that was yet, but he knew it wouldn’t be a smart thing to do.

     And then John let out a muffled cry – he’d probably buried his face into Alex’s neck – and Alex was whispering things that Lafayette couldn’t hear, and, somehow, that was what shook Lafayette from his stupor. Fuck, he’d just listened in on John and Alex _having sex_. What was wrong with him?

     He stepped away from the door, went to snatch his bag from where he’d left it on the floor, and stopped. He couldn’t run and hide in his room – that had been the whole problem in the first place.

     So he went to Hercules’ room, closing the door softly behind him and dumping his bag on Hercules’ desk chair, going over and curling up on Hercules’ bed, hiding his face in a pillow, trying to ignore the fact that, despite it all, he was still frustratingly turned on, and the smell of Hercules really wasn’t helping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "but what about herc???" you may be asking. well, don't you worry, my friends, i am definitely not leaving him out of this, but i just wanted it to be more of a 'one at a time' kind of thing so as not to rush. and this chapter wasn't about herc, but don't worry, his time will come...  
> and that was laf's POV! i had fun writing it, it turned out a little angstier than i intended but hey, this fic has been pretty damn non-angsty so i think a little bit won't hurt anyone. and if you had any hesitations over whether this will end with the ot4 or not, i'm sure this chapter will have cleared that up for you.


	18. Omelettes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey so i'm back (kinda)! think of this chapter as more of the first half of a longer chapter (the other part has been written but i'm not happy with it just yet; i'm still tweaking it and i'm a little [read: a lot] late to a dinner i'm meant to be going to), and hopefully the next part will be uploaded later tonight (my time). this is dedicated to PaperThinRevolutionary, bc she's been having a rough day <3

     Hercules hadn’t been lying when he’d told Lafayette that he liked to grocery shop alone. He loved his friends, sure, and he loved living with them, too, but everyone had to take a break sometimes. And he knew the local supermarket like the back of his hand – he could find the protein bars (and the chocolate) with his eyes closed – so grocery shopping was a time that he could set aside his worries and just be.

     Lafayette had said he’d wanted nachos, but as Hercules wandered the aisles, the idea of nachos began to seem increasingly unappetising. They’d had tacos two nights ago; that was probably what had caused the idea of nachos to spring to Lafayette’s mind in the first place. And Hercules just felt like something different.

     He stopped in front of the meat section, an idea springing to mind. Omelettes. He hadn’t had omelettes in ages. It was more of a breakfast thing, generally, but when did any of them ever have time to have anything other than toast or cereal for breakfast?

     He grabbed some ham and chucked it into his shopping basket. Did they have any eggs at home?

 

     By the time he arrived home, his stomach was growling, and he was eager to get started on cooking. “Honeys, I’m home!” he called, and paused, waiting for some kind of response.

     He frowned. Nothing. “Is anyone home?”

     He heard Alex’s voice. “Yep, yep, all here!”

     Hercules screwed up his nose in confusion, and then shrugged it off. “Hi.”

     He dumped the groceries on the kitchen bench and went about preparing dinner. “I got some more eggs,” he added. “I couldn’t remember if we had any.”

     He opened the fridge. “I was right!” he said triumphantly, well aware that probably no one was listening.

     He paused again. Apart from the one reply he received from Alex, he’d gotten nothing. That was weird, especially around dinner time. Usually they all flocked to the kitchen to pick at the food while Hercules was cooking.

     He sighed, and put his freshly-bought eggs into the fridge, along with the tomatoes, ham, and mushrooms, and went to check it out, feeling like he was going to have to slip into Dad Mode if he found that some kind of fight had broken out while he was gone.

     No one was in Alex’s room, and no one was in John’s.

     “What the fuck?” he muttered to himself. “Where is everyone?”

     He was about to call out, when he heard Alex and John’s voices coming from Lafayette’s room. He made a face. “What the fuck?” he said again. He was about to open the door to ask what they were doing, when he spied his own bedroom door, closed. His door was almost never closed if he wasn’t at home.

     He cracked open the door and stuck his head in. “Hello?”

     He saw Lafayette, curled up, doing what could only be described as sulking. “Uh, Laf?”

     Lafayette didn’t look up at him.

     “Is there a reason why you’re in my bed?”

     “Mine was occupied,” Lafayette said.

     Hercules couldn’t help but laugh. “What the ever-loving fuck did I miss?”

     Lafayette sat up. “Herc,” he said, “I…”

     Hercules’ pulse jumped anxiously. “Is everything okay?”

     Lafayette bit his bottom lip, gnawing on it, his brow creased in worry. “I…”

     Hercules went and sat down on the edge of his bed. “What happened, Laf?”

     Lafayette looked at him, gazing at him in a way that Hercules couldn’t describe but made his stomach squirm and his heart feel full, and took a deep breath. He held it for a good few seconds, and then let go, glancing away. “It’s nothing,” he said. “So we’re having tacos?”

     Hercules shook his head. “Uh, no,” he said, and then waved a hand. “Don’t change the subject on me. What’s the matter?”

     Lafayette wouldn’t look at him. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

     Hercules frowned, and said, “Well, okay, you don’t have to, if you don’t want to. But you know that you can tell me anything, right?”

     Lafayette glanced at him. “Yeah,” he said softly.

     Hercules crawled onto the bed and lay down, opening his arms. “C’mere.”

     Lafayette gave him a small smile, and lay down, snuggling up close, his forehead pressed to Hercules’ chest. Hercules rest his chin on Lafayette’s head, and sighed. “We’re having omelettes, by the way,” he added. “Sorry about the nachos.”

     “I didn’t want nachos anyway,” Lafayette said, and squeezed Hercules more tightly than before.

 

     Alex and John only appeared when dinner was almost finished cooking. They were laughing and joking around, taking digs at each other, nothing unusual – but Lafayette just stopped mid-sentence and suddenly became very focused on the cutlery, his face turning dark. Hercules opened his mouth to ask what was going on, but he stopped himself. He’d find out eventually. He always did.

     “What’s cookin’?” John asked, his smile a little _too_ wide for it to be just about dinner.

     Hercules took a moment or two to reply. “Omelettes,” he said, deadpan, gesturing to the plate of omelettes right under John’s nose.

     “Oh, good, I’m _starving_ ,” Alex said earnestly, grabbing a plate and the nearby spatula, serving himself.

     “Oi, wait till they’re all done, thank you very much,” Hercules said, snatching the spatula back so he could flip over the final omelette.

 

     It took less than half a second for something to click in Hercules’ mind when they all sat down to eat. Lafayette had barely spoken a word since Alex and John had entered the room, and those few words had been addressed only to Hercules. He’d hardly even looked at the other two.

     Alex and John didn’t seem to notice, happily carrying the bulk of the conversation. They seemed a little more, well, _giggly_ than usual, if such a word could be used to describe them. Certainly brighter and chattier than they usually would be after a whole day of studying.

     Hercules made up his mind. He was going to find out what was going on. Tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "BUT WHERE'S THE SMUT" everyone roared, slamming their fists onto their respective tables. don't worry, it'll all come together (that pun was unintentional but i'm so keeping it) soon! patience is a virtue. i know i've made you wait a long time, but if i'm going to do this, i'm going to do it right. thank you guys so much <3


	19. Tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so, as promised, here you go! it's kinda late and i actually rewrote this chapter from scratch bc i didn't like what i'd written at all, but anyway, hope you enjoy it! x

     It was when Alex and John were cleaning up after dinner that Hercules realised, almost like a smack in the face, that his friends weren’t just sharing some inside joke. The small smiles, the laughter, the shared looks… They were _flirting_. Like, _domestically_. Not how Lafayette flirted with them, but like they were kids on their first date.

     When had _that_ happened?

     Don’t get him wrong, Hercules couldn’t deny that it was actually really cute – the way Alex bumped John with his hip and the way John tugged playfully Alex’s ponytail every so often – and he couldn’t say it was _completely_ out of the blue – they may have all been thirsting after Lafayette like they were desert wanderers that hadn’t seen a drop of water in a week, but they all had soft spots for each other as well – but he just really needed someone to catch him up.

     Lafayette disappeared into his room soon after dinner was done. “I have some more work to do,” he’d said. “And I’m tired. So. Um. Goodnight.”

     And that in itself was baffling enough.

     So when Alex and John were done, Hercules stopped them from escaping down the hallway. “Guys.”

     They turned back to him, looking partway guilty and partway… well, almost fucking gleeful. “Yeah?” Alex said.

     Hercules took a moment to think of how best to ask, and just settled on, “What the fuck is going on here?”

     Alex and John grimaced sheepishly, glancing at each other, and then back at Hercules.

     “ _What_?” Hercules demanded exasperatedly.

     “We, uh…” John unsuccessfully tried to smother a smile.

     “We kinda…” Alex sucked in a breath between his teeth.

     “We slept together,” John said.

     “In Laf’s room.”

     “While Laf was home.”

     Hercules crossed his arms, nodding to himself. “Uh-huh,” he said, matter-of-factly, his brain processing the information. That was... Boy, that was an image right there. Alex and John, going at it, while Lafayette was potentially within hearing range. Alex would probably be super loud; he was so loud all the time, anyway, and so being fucked - because, come on, Alex was a bottom through and through - would probably just emphasise that and  _oops_ Hercules had not meant to be thinking that.

     “You’re… not mad?” Alex said unsurely.

     Hercules shook his head. “Why would I be mad? I’m just… confused.”

     “About what?” John asked.

     “The whole, um…” Hercules gestured vaguely. “‘In Laf’s room’ thing. Y’know. While Laf was, like, here.”

     “Not about the fact we slept together?” Alex said, sounding genuinely surprised.

     Hercules shrugged. “Actually, no. I’m not.”

     Alex and John glanced at each other. “Okay,” John said, and Hercules couldn’t quite understand his tone of voice. It was… curious.

     “It hasn’t been, like, a thing,” Alex clarified. “It just kinda happened. Just today.”

     That was the last thing Hercules needed to be talking about. It was getting difficult to control his thoughts as it was. “I’m still wondering about why you would do it _in Laf’s room_.”

     John grinned cheekily, like he’d been caught stealing a handful of cookies. “It wasn’t planned. We were trying to find a condom, then you and Laf came home and we were stuck in there. But it…” He dropped his voice to a whisper. “It was really hot.”

     Hercules felt something akin to a shiver run down his spine. He took a moment to collect his thoughts, but the image of Alex and John… In Laf’s room…

     He shook his head to clear it. “And – And you knew Laf was home?”

     “We thought you were home too,” Alex said.

     Hercules’ stomach dropped. “You did?” he said, his voice coming out pitched far higher than normal.

     John’s smile was only slight, but Hercules could see in his eyes and the rest of his face that he was resisting a grin. “Maybe.”

     Hercules rubbed a hand over his mouth, hoping it would come across as _I’m just taking a second to process this_ and not _I just need a moment to gather myself because you’re making it very difficult to concentrate right now_. “Um. You, uh..” He realised he had nothing to say, so he took a moment to think of something, now that he’d started a sentence. “And, uh, did you… So, Laf was home. I wasn’t home, by the way. I was buying dinner. But Laf was very – here. And he – well, you and you – okay.”

     “To be honest, we were both half hoping that Laf would maybe walk in on us,” Alex confessed with a shrug, and John nodded in agreement. “You know, see us, in his bed – like, we’re both pretty irresistible. I mean, Herc, in all seriousness, would _you_ have been able to just walk out of the room?”

     Hercules knew the answer to that one immediately.

     “That’s not a very good way to start a threesome,” he said in a tight voice instead.

     “We didn’t exactly have time to think it through,” John said.

     “And who said anything about _threesomes_?” Alex said with a smile.

     Hercules felt his eyes widen a little.

     It was getting increasingly difficult to focus on the conversation.

     John hummed in agreement. “Well, Alex and I are gonna go make out now,” he said. “Maybe something more if he’s well behaved.”

     Alex’s face lit up, but he tried to play it off, giving John a light shove. “Fuck off,” he said with a laugh. John grabbed his ponytail and yanked it, Alex’s head snapping back.

     Hercules was about to ask what John was doing, but Alex whimpered. “I’ll be good, I’ll be good,” he said, and John let him go.

     Hercules felt the temperature of the room rise a few degrees. Or maybe that was just him.

     John sighed. “He’s so easy to please,” he said to Hercules, waving a hand at Alex. “He likes it rough.”

     Hercules was about two seconds away from asking for an invitation to that make-out session. “He… does?”

     “I’m not easy to please,” Alex protested indignantly, and John rolled his eyes.

     “Uh, _how_ many times did you come this afternoon?”

     Hercules swallowed, and suddenly didn’t know what to do with his hands.

     Alex gave John a look. “You _know_ I hadn’t had a good fuck in a while, leave me alone.”

     “Oh, so I was a good fuck, was I?”

     “Shut up, you know you were. And I know I was, too.”

     John considered it. “You weren’t bad. You definitely know what to do with your mouth.”

     It was then that Hercules realised they were talking about this shit in front of him on purpose. They were trying to get a reaction out of him.

     It was fucking working. His train of thought was going to become pretty noticeable if he didn’t leave the room soon.

     “But the hottest bit was when you moaned Laf’s name,” Alex said, sliding up close to John, and Hercules almost choked on his own spit. “I wonder if he heard you. God, you sounded so gorgeous.”

     “Did I?” John murmured. He and Alex were close now, obviously just trying to hold back from jumping on each other. Hercules felt like he was intruding, but at the same time, he couldn’t leave.

     John snuck a quick kiss, just to whet Alex’s appetite. “You could listen to me again,” he said, and kissed Alex again. Alex chased his lips, but John held back.

     “You wanna do that?” John said, and Alex nodded.

     John kissed Alex, slow and deep. Hercules’ mouth was hanging open slightly, his heart racing.

_Fuck_ , they looked good together. He could watch them make out all day.

     That was probably one of the weirder things Hercules had thought.

     John pulled back. “Maybe I’ll say Herc’s name this time,” he said, and Hercules knew there was _no_ hiding his arousal now.

     Alex hummed in assent, nodding, leaning forward to try to capture John’s lips again. John turned his head, looking to Hercules, so Alex began nipping and sucking at his neck.

     “What d’you–” John paused, momentarily distracted by Alex, his eyes squeezing shut for a split second, his hands coming to Alex’s waist. “What d’you think, Herc? What about your name?”

     Hercules felt his face flush dark, an automatic reaction to being caught seeing something he shouldn’t have been – even though it was something he’d been all but formally invited to see. He shoved his hands in his pockets, glancing away. “I – Well, I mean, I – you don’t–”

     “Maybe next time you’ll be the one making me say it,” John said, his voice rough. Hercules glanced up at him, and their eyes locked. John’s pupils were blown, his eyelids heavy, his jaw slack. The perfect picture of pure debauchery.

     Alex’s hands slipped under John’s shirt. “John, please,” he mumbled against John’s skin, and John tore his eyes away from Hercules’.

     “Yeah, let’s go,” he said, taking one of Alex’s hands out from under his shirt and linking their fingers together, heading down the hall.

     “See you later,” John said casually over his shoulder. “I’ll be thinking of you.”

     Hercules stood there for a good while, trying to both pick his bottom jaw off the floor and get his brain working again.

     Now he had an idea of what might have been bothering Lafayette. Maybe a talk was overdue.

     He stared down the hallway after John and Alex, his pants feeling tight and his thoughts a mess.

     Maybe the talk could wait. After, y’know, other things. Or whatever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're getting there, guys... don't worry, i actually DO have the rest planned, this isn't just needlessly trying to drag it out as long as i can lmao i'm just playing a complex game of chess where the pieces need to be in the right squares or however that analogy works


	20. A Pretty Good Afternoon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so here's the next chapter! i really hope u like this one, i think it's a little longer than normal? also i'm tired (what's new) so sorry for any typos and such (just a heads-up, when i'm tired, i get my prepositions mixed up. like my fingers type a different word to the one my brain tells them to), but anyhoo, here u go! x

     The next few days in the apartment were ones filled with tension. There was usually some kind of tension – whether it was tension caused by an ever-closer deadline or an exam or just some good old sexual tension – but things had changed.

     Lafayette was back to his normal self, effortlessly alluring and magnetic, although sometimes it would be a little more subdued than it had been before. Hercules mostly just kept quiet – it was almost as if he were waiting for something, but he didn’t yet know what. The apartment felt as if it were holding its breath in anticipation for, well, something. Anything. Just _something_.

     Alex and John, however… Well, there was a tension there that Alex was absolutely loving.

     When they weren’t holding hands and exchanging adoring kisses and shooting each other smiles and meaningful glances, John was fucking Alex into a mattress. Or against a wall. Or on the floor. Or over a table.

     They did the others the courtesy of keeping it confined to a bedroom when they weren’t at home alone. But they didn’t at all try to conceal what they were doing.

     That being said, they said only each other’s names. They didn’t want to push their luck. Well, when the others were around, at least – but when the apartment was empty, the names _Alex_ and _John_ were barely even spoken.

     Almost a week since they’d had gotten together, Alex and John found themselves alone in the apartment. They switched on the latest episode of _Game of Thrones_ and pulled out a block of chocolate, settling in. “What do you think the next book’s gonna be like, if the TV show’s going off on its own track?” Alex asked, feeding John a piece of chocolate.

     John shrugged. “I dunno. That’s the point. No one can guess.”

     Alex scoffed. “I’ve already made a number of lists, writing down every possible course the book could take.”

     John rolled his eyes. “Of course you have.”

     Alex looked to John sharply. “What’s that meant to mean?”

     John raised an eyebrow at him. “You know exactly what it means. Don’t act surprised.”

     Alex stuck his nose in the air, feigning offence. “I’ll act as surprised as I want to.”

     John snorted. “You’re a mess, Alex.”

     Alex gasped, pressing a hand to his chest. “Rude!”

     John shook his head. “Melodramatic,” he muttered.

     Alex threw down the block of chocolate and dived onto John, tickling him. John yelped and writhed, pushing at Alex with weak hands. “Alex, stop it, stop it!”

     Alex finally let him go, pulling back with a smug smile, pressing a quick kiss to John’s lips. And, of course, John forgave him instantly – although, in Alex’s defence, the attack hadn’t been unprovoked – leaning forward to give Alex a peck of his own. Alex grinned, John still chuckling a little from being tickled, and pulled John close, nuzzling into his neck, making John giggle wildly. Alex dotted kisses over up John’s neck and along his jawline, then all around his face.

     John scrunched his nose. “What are you doing?” he asked.

     “Kissing all of your freckles,” Alex replied simply, before going back to doing just that.

     John chuckled. “You’re gonna be here a while.”

     “I can live with that.”

     “Well, I can’t.” John cupped Alex’s cheeks and moved Alex’s mouth down to his.

     The kisses were languid, John’s hands dancing idly over Alex’s body.

     Alex pulled back slightly. “We should really just talk–”

     “To the others, I know,” John said. It was a frequent discussion between them. The last thing either of them wanted to do was isolate their friends – the complete opposite, in fact. Already they could see Lafayette and Hercules drawing away, bit by bit, and they despised it.

     Alex sighed. “Why don’t we?”

     John shrugged helplessly. “I don’t… I mean, they haven’t said anything. Maybe they’re not interested.”

     “Herc looked pretty interested that night.”

     “Maybe that’s just because we’re hot.”

     Alex sat back, giving his arms a rest, and John followed him. “I just…” He sighed again, digging the heel of his hand against his forehead. “I can’t lose them, John.”

     “We’re not going to lose them,” John insisted, taking Alex’s other hand. “Alex, we’re not. This thing we got going, it’s – okay, I’ll admit it, it’s moving pretty fast. We’re all suffering from a bit of whiplash from it. We’re all still adjusting.”

     “But I want them so bad,” Alex said. And he did. He thought about them all the time, and he knew John did, too. Not just the sex – although, man, did he want that – but everything else, too. He wanted the cuddles and the kisses and the spooning and everything that he was slowly starting to get with John.

     John nodded in understanding. “I know, baby girl. Me too.” He leant forward and kissed Alex gently.

     The front door slammed open. Hercules entered, throwing his bag down and kicking the door shut behind him. Alex and John sprung apart.

     “This is fucking ridiculous,” Hercules snapped, throwing his hands in the air.

     “What’s wrong?” Alex said. “Did something happen in class? Was it a teacher? Or a student? I’ll fight them.”

     “Alex, no,” John said. “You’re too small; you’ll get hurt. _I’ll_ fight them.”

     Hercules went over to them, standing in front of the TV, completely ignoring the fact that the _Game of Thrones_ episode was still playing and he hadn’t seen the beginning of it yet, and crossed his arms. “No, it wasn’t that,” he said shortly. “It’s _this_. It’s… It’s you two.”

     Alex felt his heart seize up, and he glanced at John worriedly, then back at Hercules. No, no, this was bad. This was the opposite of what he’d wanted to happen. “Us?” he said in a small voice.

     Hercules shrugged almost aggressively. “Yeah, you.”

     John shifted in his seat, holding a hand out soothingly. “Herc, why don’t you just sit down, and–”

     Hercules waved a hand dismissively. “Fuck off, don’t talk to me like that, John. I’m not–” He huffed, and suddenly all the energy leaked from his body, his shoulders relaxing and his hands dropping to his sides. “I’m just confused, guys,” he said, and he sounded tired. “I mean, I just… You’re not like Laf. You don’t just tease for the fun of teasing. And then you go and get me all worked up like that, and then you just… drop me. I thought it was… I thought we…”

     Alex’s stomach felt like it was weighed down by stones. “What? Herc, _no_.” He quickly got to his feet, and John did as well. “We didn’t drop you. I mean, we weren’t trying to. We just didn’t know if you – Well, you didn’t say or do anything, so we weren’t sure…”

     “Herc, we still really like you,” John said, and that summed up what Alex had been trying to say pretty damn well.

     Hercules glanced between them, looking hopeful and unsure and Alex just wanted to hug him. “You do?”

     “Yes,” Alex said, smiling reassuringly. “We didn’t know if you still liked us.”

     Hercules let out a soft laugh. “Of course I do,” he said. “I mean, fuck, having to listen to you two going at it for the past week – it’s been hard to think about anything else.”

     Alex and John grinned at each other. “That was kinda the plan,” John said with a chuckle.

     Hercules paused, and glanced behind him at the TV. “Is that – is this the new episode?”

     John scrambled for the remote and switched off the TV. “Just forget anything you saw or heard,” he said quickly.

     “Is it a good episode so far?”

     “Uh, we were only half-watching, to be honest.”

     Alex shook his head. “Wait, can we just get back to the part where, Herc, you said you still like us?”

     Hercules’ cheeks went dark. “Oh, um…” He glanced away. “Well, yeah.”

     Alex looked to John, and then leant over to whisper in his ear. “I’m gonna go kiss him, is that okay?”

     John laughed, and nodded. “Yeah, of course.”

     Alex pecked John on the cheek, and then hopped up onto the coffee table, stepping over to the edge closest to Hercules. Hercules was watching him, looking partway confused and partway alarmed, and then Alex grabbed his shirt and pulled him close, kissing him on the lips.

     Hercules was frozen for a second or two, taken by surprise, and then he melted into the kiss, his hands coming to Alex’s waist. Alex pulled back for a moment. “It is so weird to be the taller one,” he said with a laugh.

     “It’s weird being the short one,” Hercules said, and wrapped his arms around Alex’s waist, carrying him to the ground. John laughed as Alex pouted at being the short one again, but then Hercules cupped his face in his large hands and leant down to kiss him, and he forgot all about it.

     Kissing Hercules was a very different experience from kissing John. Alex found his hands curling into fists around Hercules’ shirt again. Where John was all wiry muscles and small waist, Hercules was built like a tank – but he was gentler than John. John knew what Alex liked, and so didn’t hesitate to be messy, with bruising kisses and nails scratching across skin. Hercules kissed Alex like he was a little worried about breaking him. Of course, it was amazing, but Alex craved more.

     Alex broke the kiss, and was just about to let Hercules know that he certainly shouldn’t have been worried about being rough, when John took the opportunity to slide up from behind. “Let me have a turn, will ya?” he murmured into Alex’s ear.

     Hercules laughed. “I’m feeling a little objectified here.”

     “Good,” John said.

     Alex clutched Hercules’ shirt a little more tightly. “John,” he whined.

     “Alex,” John replied in sarcastic imitation.

     Alex stuck his tongue out at John and looked to Hercules again. “You can be rough with me, okay?” he said, before surging upwards, wrapping his arms around Hercules’ neck and bringing their lips together.

     This kiss was a little more how Alex liked it. Hercules’ arms were around his waist, lifting him onto his toes. Hercules’ lips were fuller than John’s, and Alex kind of loved it. He didn’t hesitate in taking Hercules’ bottom lip between his teeth, tugging on it, and Hercules moaned softly. It was a deep sound, and it vibrated down Alex’s spine, making him shudder.

     Somewhere nearby, Alex heard John huff, and then, next thing he knew, John was on the coffee table as he had been, trailing his fingers down Hercules’ arm, gently trying to draw Hercules’ focus away from Alex.

     Alex unwrapped his arms from around Hercules’ neck, instead dropping his hands, letting his fingers slip underneath the hem of Hercules’ shirt. When Hercules showed no protest, Alex slid his hands further up, feeling the hard muscle of Hercules’ abdomen.

     But then Hercules pulled back, and Alex opened his eyes to see John leaning over, his hand under Hercules’ chin, pressing kisses to Hercules’ cheek and temple. Upon seeing that he’d caught Hercules’ attention, John grinned, and Alex threw his hands in the air, making a sound of frustration. Hercules looked over to John, and John wasted no time in kissing him, before he could even react to what was happening. Alex stepped back, reluctantly admitting his (temporary) defeat – although it would take a bigger man than him to admit that he didn’t really mind all that much. After all, he was quickly discovering that watching John and Hercules make out was one of his favourite things.

     Hercules kissed John like he couldn’t believe his luck, with a reverence that Alex completely understood. John was quick to get his hands under Hercules’ shirt, and in no time at all was throwing it to the ground. Alex felt like he’d won the lottery. He went closer again, behind Hercules, and reached out to touch the dark expanses of Hercules’ back, the muscles underneath rippling as he moved. Hercules jumped a little, and Alex said, “Sorry, is this okay?”

     “Uh, yeah, yeah, sure,” Hercules said, looking over his shoulder to flash Alex a grin, which Alex returned.

     John swiftly brought Hercules back around to continue where they’d left off, with a prompt, “I’m not done with you yet,” and Alex smoothed both hands down Hercules’ back and along his shoulders. He went on his toes a little to press his lips to the top of Hercules’ spine, and then trailed kisses and soft bites along Hercules’ shoulders. He felt Hercules shiver underneath him, and he smiled against his skin. He ran his palms down Hercules’ back once more, and around to his front, fingertips skimming the waistband of his jeans. Hercules moaned again, and John pushed against him more, trying to drink in as much of him as he could.

     John pulled back suddenly, Hercules peeling off his shirt and dropping it to the ground, and Alex grinned. So far, this afternoon was turning out pretty good.

     “You all good, Alex?” John asked, breathless, and Alex poked his head out from behind Hercules, hugging him around the waist.

     “Yeah, I’m great,” he said. “What about you, Herc?”

     Hercules just shook his head, laughing disbelievingly. “Yeah, I’m – I’m sweet.”

     John smiled. “Good. Alex, back up a bit.”

     Alex did as he was told, and John pushed Hercules back a few steps, then stepped down off the coffee table, before guiding Hercules back down to kiss him. Alex couldn’t resist going over to pay John a little attention, sweeping his hair over one shoulder and kissing the spot on his neck that always made him–

     John inhaled sharply, grip tightening on Hercules. Yep, that was it.

     “Didn’t I tell you?” Alex said into John’s ear, but loudly enough for Hercules to hear. “Didn’t I tell you how good he’d be? All those times you wished Herc was there to watch us, or to fuck me so you could watch. I bet he’ll be just as good as we talked about, don’t you?”

     John let out a muffled groan, and Hercules’ hands moved to his hips, pulling John closer.

     “What do you think, Herc?” Alex said. “You gonna fuck me so John can watch us? You gonna make sure I won’t be able to walk the next day?”

     Hercules ground his hip against John’s, a reflex, and John pulled away just enough to hiss, “Ah, fuck.”

     “I should’ve guessed Alex’d talk a lot,” Hercules said with a slight laugh, panting slightly. His eyes were still closed, his lips brushing John’s when he spoke.

     “He never does anything else,” John replied, and Hercules chuckled, before connecting their lips once again.

     Alex ignored that, and said to John, “Babe, why don’t you teach Herc what I like?”

     John nodded, and took his time letting Hercules go, to the point where Alex thought he just hadn’t been listening to what Alex had been saying, but then, finally, he disentangled himself from Hercules. Alex slid into his place. “Had enough yet?” he asked teasingly, resisting the urge to just lick Hercules’ chest without warning.

     “Is that a challenge, Hamilton?” Hercules said, and Alex chuckled. Hercules’ lips were swollen and his pupils blown, and Alex loved it.

     “Maybe,” he said, and then Hercules kissed him.

     John said nothing for a few minutes, but, judging by Hercules’ reaction, he was certinaly doing something to keep himself entertained. And then, finally, he began talking.

     “Alex is actually probably one of the most submissive people you’ll ever meet,” he said lowly. “You can basically do whatever to him and it’ll have him wrapped around your little finger.”

     Alex’s tongue licked the back of Hercules’ teeth, and Hercules shivered.

     “Pull his hair,” John said without further preamble. “Hard. And, y’know what? Grab his hands, hold them behind his back. Don’t let him touch you.”

     Hercules took hold of Alex’s hair and tugged. Alex’s head snapped back, and he bit his lip to stop himself from moaning. Next thing he knew, John and Hercules had grabbed his hands, and John held them behind his back. Alex went to protest – although, secretly, it was a huge turn-on to suddenly lose all control – but then Hercules was pulling on his hair to expose his neck. Hercules kissed down Alex’s throat, and Alex whined, desperate to pull Hercules closer, but John’s grip on his wrists was ironclad.

     Hercules moved his lips back to Alex's, and let go of Alex’s hair to let his hands roam – specifically, down to Alex’s ass, using his grip on it to grind his hips against Alex’s crotch, making Alex gasp into his mouth. John whispered sweet nothings into Alex’s ear, telling him how good he was, how pretty he looked, how perfect Hercules was for him.

     So far, this was turning out to be a _great_ afternoon.

     And then the front door opened, and there was the sound of a bag dropping to the floor.

     Everything stopped. Hercules, Alex, and John all immediately looked over at the source of the noise.

     Lafayette stood, frozen in shock, mouth hanging open like he was about to speak, but wasn’t sure exactly what to say.

     He settled on, “ _Fils de pute_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (the thing that laf said at the end means 'son of a bitch') and YES MY FRIENDS WE'RE ALMOST THERE can u believe that this is where this fic has ended up bc i sure can't. obviously i can't continue this fic forever, and i don't want this to go on and on and on bc it'll just end up being another long fic that i'll never finish. i'll decide soon when exactly i want this to end, but i'm pretty sure it'll be just a handful of chapters from now. also can u tell that i don't watch game of thrones lmao


	21. The Conversation, a.k.a. The Talk, a.k.a. Fucking Finally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow so another update!! like kinda really soon after the last one!! i had a lot of fun writing this so i hope you have fun reading it :)

     John quickly realised that he, Alex, and Hercules made quite a sight to walk in on. He and Hercules were shirtless, Hercules’ hands were on Alex’s ass, John was holding Alex’s hands behind his back, all three of them were hard.

     They sprung away from each other like someone had poured acid on them. Alex’s first reaction was to tie his mussed hair up with the hair tie on his wrist; Hercules’ was to snatch his shirt up and pull it on.

     John’s was to sit down to try to hide his… problem. Which was a stupid reaction. He ended up sitting on the coffee table, half on the block of chocolate he and Alex had been eating before.

     He resisted hiding his face in his hands and sighing. Why.

     Alex was the first to speak. “Laf–”

     “No, it’s fine,” Lafayette said quickly, scrambling to pick up his backpack. “You didn’t know I was coming home. I intruded. I should have knocked. I’m sorry. I’ll just…”

     He started off towards the bedrooms, but Hercules stopped him. “Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier de Lafayette, don’t you dare walk away right now.”

     Lafayette slowed to a halt, probably partly in shock at Hercules being able to remember, let alone say, his whole name.

     John was certainly impressed. The pronunciation hadn’t been perfect, but it had been a damn good shot, considering Hercules had never spoken a word of French in his life.

     John shook his head and pulled on his shirt. That _so_ wasn’t the issue at hand.

     Hercules took a breath, as if surprised himself. “Laf, sit down.”

     Lafayette hesitated.

     John realised what Hercules was getting at, and stood up, pointing to the couch. “We’re having a talk that’s long overdue. Sit.”

     Lafayette glanced between them, and then made his way over. John and Hercules shared a look, and John almost laughed out loud. Well, that settled who were the tops in this relationship.

     If this was a relationship. Or maybe everything was about to go to shit.

     John’s pulse kicked into overdrive. Oh no. He’d never really considered that this could potentially ruin everything.

     He glanced at Alex, who was looking a little pale, his knuckles white as he clenched his fists.

     John reached out and slipped his hand under Alex’s shirt, rubbing the small of his back soothingly.

     Lafayette sat down on the couch. There was a beat, and then everyone sat down as well: Hercules on the couch beside Lafayette, and Alex and John on the coffee table, facing them.

     Lafayette was holding his bag on his lap, like a safety blanket. He fiddled with the zips, looking down at his hands. He took a breath. “So, um, how long has this been going on? I’m not – I’m just wondering. I know it’s none of my business.”

     Hercules huffed a laugh. “Uh, like, since I got home? It just kinda… happened.”

     Lafayette looked up, looking a little surprised. “Oh.”

     “What, did you think we’ve been having secret threesomes behind your back?” Alex joked, and Lafayette’s face went dark. He ducked his head.

     Alex’s face fell. “Oh. Wait, really?”

     “I – not really,” Lafayette mumbled. “I mean, I didn’t _actually_ think you…”

     “But you thought it was a possibility,” John guessed.

     Lafayette scratched his nose. “I’m just being silly,” he said. “I…” He trailed away, and said nothing. He was gradually hunching further and further over, and his face was almost buried in his bag.

     “We’d never break your rule, Laf,” Hercules said, and Lafayette looked up at him.

     “My rule?”

     “You know: no threesomes, only foursomes, and only if you’re involved.” Hercules was grinning now.

     Lafayette cracked a smile. “Oh,” he said again.

     “Which, like, is totally an offer, by the way,” Alex said. “If you want to.”

     Lafayette lifted his head a little more. “An offer?” He sounded so hopeful but so confused, and John wanted to bundle him up in a blanket and give him a hot chocolate and a kiss on the cheek. And then, y’know, fuck him till he couldn’t sit for a week.

     John laughed. “Uh, you _do_ realise you were the instigator for all of this, right?” He gestured between himself and Hercules and Alex.

     Lafayette frowned. “What?”

     Alex went and sat beside him, leaning in close. “You _do_ realise that you drive us all so crazy that our only solution was to fuck each other, right?”

     Lafayette had straightened up entirely now. “Is that so?” he said, and his voice had taken that teasing lilting slide that John adored. John licked his bottom lip.

     “And,” Hercules added, “you _do_ realise that we all _really_ like you.” He took Lafayette’s bag and set it aside on the ground. “Right?”

     A slow smile spread on Lafayette’s lips. “And you all realise that I feel the same way about you, obviously.”

     “We’d hoped,” John said.

     “Well,” Lafayette said, “if we’re being honest here – I totally meant for you all to hear me having sex that night.”

     “And John and I meant for you to hear us,” Alex said.

     Lafayette grinned. “Good. I was listening.”

     “I _knew_ it,” John said. He hadn’t been sure, but he’d had a good feeling. “I _knew_ you were.”

     “Wait, wait, wait.” Hercules said, pulling back, holding up both hands like stop signs. “Laf, can I just ask: whose name did you say by accident? We’ve all been fucking dying to know.”

     Lafayette laughed. “I was saying all of your names the whole time. I don’t even know whose name that guy heard. I said his name, like, once. But I wasn’t thinking of him at all.”

     John’s heart was racing. Oh my God. This was actually happening. All of the dancing around, avoiding, _if only_ s and _maybe one day_ s – it was all finally leading to something. “So, where does that leave us?” he asked. He’d almost had to force out the question. But he’d done it. And now everything was left out in the open. All four of them were left vulnerable.

     It was a massive adrenaline rush.

     For some reason, all eyes were on Lafayette. For some reason, everyone seemed to know where they stood with each other, but not with Lafayette. For some reason, everyone was silently begging to know what Lafayette had to say.

     Lafayette sighed, smoothing his palms down his thighs. “Well,” he said, tilting his head to the side, “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m tired of being single.”

     Giddy bubbles popped and fizzed all through John’s body.

     “And,” Lafayette continued, “right here in front of me are three single-ish guys who I happen to like very much, and who like me back…” He glanced at Hercules, then at John, then at Alex.

     “Yeswe’llbeyourboyfriends,” Alex blurted, surging upwards and kissing Lafayette.

     John and Hercules laughed, and even Lafayette had to pull away. Alex instead kissed all over Lafayette’s face, making affectionate _mwah_ sounds as he did so, cradling his jaw in his hands. Lafayette was giggling, his nose scrunched adorably, his cheeks tinged with pink. Hercules joined in, curling an arm around Lafayette’s stomach and dropping kisses to Lafayette’s neck.

     John watched, beaming. This. This was what he’d been dreaming about. Just being happy, loving each other.

     Lafayette looked over to John, and Alex pressed one final, long kiss to his cheek. Hercules stayed wrapped around him, resting his chin on Lafayette’s shoulder. “I think I interrupted something before,” Lafayette said, smiling in a way that made John’s stomach somersault. “I think I’d like it to continue.”

     “That can be arranged,” John said, smiling in return. Lafayette’s breath caught.

     Alex grinned. “So, whose room first?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> believe it or not, this was the idea i've had for revealing which name laf said for a few chapters now lmao  
> and for everyone who's like FUCKIGN CLIFFHANGER i mean, like, they're all together now! that's the point of the story!! plz don't be mad!! also i like where it ended so that's just how it goes i'm afraid  
> Edit: idk if it was how I phrased this author's note but the fic isn't done yet! There's still the epilogue to go! Dont worry you'll always know when I've finished a fic bc I'll put a long & sappy authors note at the end ahaha


	22. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *eliza voice* look at where we are, look at where we started  
> so here we go, the final chapter!! i won't waste your time now with all the thank yous and such (that'll come in the notes at the end), so i'll just let you go ahead and read :) xx  
> also, while you're here, if u haven't already (although i'm sure u have), go read Je M'appelle Lafayette by lafayettes_baguette bc it's beautiful. thank.

     Living with Gilbert du Motier de Lafayette was a royal pain in the ass. Not because he was a bad housemate, per se. He paid the rent on time, he was as clean and orderly as a college student could be, he didn’t blast loud music in the wee hours of the morning. No – in that respect, he was a great housemate. What made living with him a royal pain in the ass was completely in his control, but he didn't seem to care.

     It took him far too long to fucking get out of bed.

     But it was something that his three housemates (and boyfriends) had grown used to.

     “Wake up, you big lazy slug,” John said, smacking Lafayette on the ass through the bundle of sheets. “Time to get up.”

     “ _Non_ ,” Lafayette mumbled, burying deeper into his cocoon. “Let me sleep.”

     “We made you breakfast.”

     “Bring it to me.”

     Hercules snorted. “Yeah, right. We practically wait on you hand and foot, Your Royal Highness. You can get your own breakfast.”

     “Would you get me breakfast if I sucked you off?”

     Hercules paused, and opened his mouth to speak, but then John cut him off. “Don’t even think about it.”

     Lafayette moaned pathetically. “Where’s Alex?” he said.

     “Working,” John replied. “We’re just about to go get him off his laptop. We decided to tackle you first.”

     Lafayette whined, and shook his head. “Why are you so mean to me? You bully me. I’m getting a divorce.”

     “We’re not married,” Hercules said.

     “Then I’m breaking up with you.”

     John climbed onto the bed, and brushed some of Lafayette’s curls out of the way, so he could kiss Lafayette’s cheek. “Come on, please?”

     Lafayette mumbled something unintelligible.

     Hercules leant over and whispered something in John’s ear. John grinned and nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, go,” he said, and Hercules ducked out of the room.

     “It’s gonna get cold,” John said to Lafayette in a sing-song voice.

     “I don’t care.”

     “You will.”

     “Nope.”

     Hercules reappeared, with Alex, who was looking to be in dire need of a coffee. And maybe a few energy drinks. Not that he’d admit it.

     “What?” he said.

     John climbed off the bed again and held out a hand, inviting Alex closer. Alex took the hand, a smile blooming on his face. “Is this Plan Get Laf Out of Bed?”

     “Mm-hmm,” John said, nodding.

     Alex wiggled his eyebrows. “I love this plan.”

     “I love you,” John said. “And I love you, Herc.”

     “I love you too,” Hercules said, and Alex told John the same.

     “What’s going on?” Lafayette demanded, his voice still muffled by the blankets and pillows.

     John leant forward and kissed Alex, leisurely, unhurried. It was one of the only things Alex ever did without a sense of impatience. Well, for a while, at least.

     Hercules came up behind Alex and let out his ponytail, threading his fingers through it, and Alex smiled into John’s kisses.

     Lafayette humphed. “What are you guys doing?”

     John passed Alex off to Hercules, and Alex wrapped his arms around Hercules’ neck, the kisses deep and hot. John pushed Alex’s hair over one shoulder to kiss his neck, and Alex shuddered.

     Lafayette stirred a little. “Guys?”

     They ignored him. Hercules’ hands were around Alex’s upper back, and John wasted no time in wrapping his arms around Alex’s waist, his hands skimming the band of his sweatpants. Alex’s breath caught, and he tensed slightly, which told both Hercules and John that he was starting to get a little needy.

     Good. All part of the plan.

     John’s hands travelled lower, brushing Alex’s crotch, and then Alex let out a soft whine.

     Lafayette was up instantly, his hair a mess of corkscrew curls around his head. “I _knew_ it!” he cried. He flailed, untangling himself from the sheets. His boyfriends broke apart, laughing.

     “Every time,” Hercules said.

     “Without fail,” Alex added.

     “How _dare_ you start without me! How _dare_ you give Alex all the attention when I’m _right here_!”

     John put his hands on his hips. “Well, it gets you out of bed, doesn’t it?”

     Lafayette clambered off the bed. “I’m up, I’m up,” he said. “Now kiss _me_.”

     John, Hercules, and Alex all pecked him on the lips in turn, but nothing more. Lafayette pouted.

     “Breakfast is getting cold,” John said, taking Lafayette’s hand. “Come on.”

     They all headed out to the kitchen, where a hot (well, slightly less than hot) breakfast of fried eggs, bacon, and tomatoes, and freshly-squeezed orange juice awaited them.

     “This is lovely,” Lafayette said. “Thank you, _mes amours_.”

     “It looks great,” Alex said, and kissed John on the cheek, and then went on his tip-toes to kiss Hercules on the jaw.

     Hercules and John grinned as the four of them sat down at the table. “Well, we had to make it special,” Hercules said.

     John picked up the spatula to serve the eggs. “Happy one-year anniversary!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's it! i want to say a huge thank you to all of my regular commenters who have been there pretty much since the beginning, with, of course, a special mention to PaperThinRevolutionary (who has now become a friend and writing partner of mine). i adored and cherished every single comment. thanks to u guys, this fic transformed from a couple of random T-rated one-shots into something with a goddamn plot and my first published M-rated fic! whoa! and to everyone who may not have been here since the beginning or left any comments or anything, but have just read up until this final chapter, thank u as well. you guys rock.  
> random fact: originally, herc, alex and john were never intended to have any romantic feelings towards laf, or vice versa. it was purely a lust thing. and they would each have a chapter where they'd hook up with laf, and that was going to be the end. i even started writing those chapters, too. but i only finished herc's. in fact, no one was meant to end up with anyone. but my oh my how things changed. i think i like this ending better, don't you?  
> anyway, i'll stop babbling on. i may add some more one-shots to this verse in the future, so stay tuned, but for now, goodbye, and THANK YOU I LOVE YOU ALL <3


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